BBC article about estrangement
Jan. 5th, 2025 11:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
walkitoutI specifically went looking for articles about parents cutting ties with their children.
https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20221207-the-parents-who-sever-ties-with-their-children
Blake, quoted extensively, was also quoted in a U Penn thesis that I have since lost track of. Blake characterization of social norms / expectations about the parent / child relationship over the life arc is repeated in that thesis as sort of a given, but I found it honestly shocking.
“The relationship between a parent and their child is expected to be lifelong – a fruitful, loving bond that can survive any highs and lows. However, for some parents, maintaining this connection can be difficult. Eventually, a parent might feel they have reached a point of no return, and so choose to step away from their role.”
This kind of assertion without support, this sort of duh, everyone believes this, is just always a bad idea. Plenty of cultures run family systems on Other Than Love — respect, duty, obedience all spring to mind. The family in many cultures is regarded as an element of the social-governmental structure. In the US, and apparently in the UK and probably other countries as well, we seem to have laundered the patriarchal structure in a way that parallels how we laundered marriage. We erased the explicit demands of obedience, but they are still there percolating under the surface, and we’ve added explicit demands to have certain feelings. It’s not a great choice.
https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20221207-the-parents-who-sever-ties-with-their-children
Blake, quoted extensively, was also quoted in a U Penn thesis that I have since lost track of. Blake characterization of social norms / expectations about the parent / child relationship over the life arc is repeated in that thesis as sort of a given, but I found it honestly shocking.
“The relationship between a parent and their child is expected to be lifelong – a fruitful, loving bond that can survive any highs and lows. However, for some parents, maintaining this connection can be difficult. Eventually, a parent might feel they have reached a point of no return, and so choose to step away from their role.”
This kind of assertion without support, this sort of duh, everyone believes this, is just always a bad idea. Plenty of cultures run family systems on Other Than Love — respect, duty, obedience all spring to mind. The family in many cultures is regarded as an element of the social-governmental structure. In the US, and apparently in the UK and probably other countries as well, we seem to have laundered the patriarchal structure in a way that parallels how we laundered marriage. We erased the explicit demands of obedience, but they are still there percolating under the surface, and we’ve added explicit demands to have certain feelings. It’s not a great choice.