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walkitoutLet’s be clear: I am _not_ here to help with your relationship conversations. Pay a real therapist. I’m not a therapist.
First, a resort to the dictionary!
Conversation for these purposes is the _exchange_ between two or more people of thoughts, information, etc.
_Back and Forth_
Step 1: Bring something. Think of conversation as a potluck — you are supposed to bring a dish that you like (in case you hate everything else there) AND that you have some reason to expect other people to also enjoy. Don’t bring the really offputting cheese. Do bring the funny, heartwarming news story that makes us all feel like humans can be good, loving and supportive of each other in hard times. Or funny pet tricks. Whatever.
Step 2: To the best of your ability, and compatible with your personal integrity, try to be open to trying new things. I’m not asking you to laugh at deadnaming or racism or trivializing the oppression or abuse of others. but even if science wasn’t your favorite topic in school, I hope you’ll still find someone else’s excitement over a major scientific development a way to connect with this area of not-very-interesting-to-you.
Step 3: if you are confused, ask for an explanation / expansion / description in other terms. That is fine!
Step 4: and if you need to bring a timer or stopwatch that’s okay. Try not to talk for more than 3 minutes in a row. Ever. Also, if there are n people in the conversation, try not to take over more than 1/n of the conversation. I suck at this one. So. So. Much.
Step 5: if someone sounds really upset about something, do your best to ignore the content of what they are saying and engage with the feelings they are having. The factual content may well be absolute bullshit. But if you care about them, their feelings may still matter to you. Also, if you ever want them to be receptive to factier facts, you are going to need them to feel like you care about them.
Step 6: When the interaction is over, think hard about whether you ever want to converse with those people again. It’s always a choice. Make it consciously.
See? Interruptions don’t matter! This is what matters.
First, a resort to the dictionary!
Conversation for these purposes is the _exchange_ between two or more people of thoughts, information, etc.
_Back and Forth_
Step 1: Bring something. Think of conversation as a potluck — you are supposed to bring a dish that you like (in case you hate everything else there) AND that you have some reason to expect other people to also enjoy. Don’t bring the really offputting cheese. Do bring the funny, heartwarming news story that makes us all feel like humans can be good, loving and supportive of each other in hard times. Or funny pet tricks. Whatever.
Step 2: To the best of your ability, and compatible with your personal integrity, try to be open to trying new things. I’m not asking you to laugh at deadnaming or racism or trivializing the oppression or abuse of others. but even if science wasn’t your favorite topic in school, I hope you’ll still find someone else’s excitement over a major scientific development a way to connect with this area of not-very-interesting-to-you.
Step 3: if you are confused, ask for an explanation / expansion / description in other terms. That is fine!
Step 4: and if you need to bring a timer or stopwatch that’s okay. Try not to talk for more than 3 minutes in a row. Ever. Also, if there are n people in the conversation, try not to take over more than 1/n of the conversation. I suck at this one. So. So. Much.
Step 5: if someone sounds really upset about something, do your best to ignore the content of what they are saying and engage with the feelings they are having. The factual content may well be absolute bullshit. But if you care about them, their feelings may still matter to you. Also, if you ever want them to be receptive to factier facts, you are going to need them to feel like you care about them.
Step 6: When the interaction is over, think hard about whether you ever want to converse with those people again. It’s always a choice. Make it consciously.
See? Interruptions don’t matter! This is what matters.