Absolutely bonkers friendship suggestions
Jul. 2nd, 2022 02:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
walkitouthttp://www.valueoptions.com/april06_newsletter/friendly_feuds.htm
This is from spring of 2006, from a behavioral health concern of some sort. I know nothing about them; I landed there in the course of thinking about and googling about handling conflict in a social context. This is _not_ about conflict in a work context, or a family context, or some sort of activity context.
The example given is: friend didn’t show up for a birthday luncheon. Birthday friend was hurt and no-show was put off by the standoffishness.
Obviously, from an etiquette perspective, the Correct action is for the No Show to decide whether or not this is a friendship she wants to actually have. I mean, if No Show is doing a slow face / ghosting Birthday friend, then carry on! But if No Show wants to keep this friendship, an apology, and delivery of the birthday tribute, should help mend fences. But no, that’s not where this goes! It is amazing! I can only conclude that this is basically a slide for people doing DBT.
“ Sometimes, it may seem easier to walk away from a friendship than address a serious conflict.” And: “ They can help you get ahead.” (Other, more typical reasons to have a friend are also listed — I’m only quoting the nutty parts.)
“Effective communication involves two parts: presenting information and active listening.”
!!!
I can’t even type I’m laughing so hard. “Presenting information.” I mean, sure, you _can_ frame expressing emotions, concern, care, affection, etc. as “Presenting Information” but _why_ _would_ _you_ _do_ _that_? In a behavioral health context.
Anyway. There’s a lot more there, and on some level, was probably helpful to some people, some times. In terms of helping with the issue I am currently mulling over, NOT helpful! I’m currently trying to figure out just how much effort I should be putting into conflict within certain social contexts. I have identified my pattern of how I deal with conflict within certain social contexts, and concluded I am putting _way_ too much time and energy into these contexts. I know _why_ I did this (only option when I was a child in a cult, who could not live a life aligned with the cult’s value system without complete self-annihilation) and I was _really really good at it_, so good, that I got all kinds of positive reinforcement from just about everyone about how amazing I was because of how good I was at it. However, just because people say nice things, doesn’t mean you are doing the right thing. Just because you are good at something, does not mean it is worth your time and energy. I’m now trying to reassess how much time and energy to put into this, and really struggling with that.
This is from spring of 2006, from a behavioral health concern of some sort. I know nothing about them; I landed there in the course of thinking about and googling about handling conflict in a social context. This is _not_ about conflict in a work context, or a family context, or some sort of activity context.
The example given is: friend didn’t show up for a birthday luncheon. Birthday friend was hurt and no-show was put off by the standoffishness.
Obviously, from an etiquette perspective, the Correct action is for the No Show to decide whether or not this is a friendship she wants to actually have. I mean, if No Show is doing a slow face / ghosting Birthday friend, then carry on! But if No Show wants to keep this friendship, an apology, and delivery of the birthday tribute, should help mend fences. But no, that’s not where this goes! It is amazing! I can only conclude that this is basically a slide for people doing DBT.
“ Sometimes, it may seem easier to walk away from a friendship than address a serious conflict.” And: “ They can help you get ahead.” (Other, more typical reasons to have a friend are also listed — I’m only quoting the nutty parts.)
“Effective communication involves two parts: presenting information and active listening.”
!!!
I can’t even type I’m laughing so hard. “Presenting information.” I mean, sure, you _can_ frame expressing emotions, concern, care, affection, etc. as “Presenting Information” but _why_ _would_ _you_ _do_ _that_? In a behavioral health context.
Anyway. There’s a lot more there, and on some level, was probably helpful to some people, some times. In terms of helping with the issue I am currently mulling over, NOT helpful! I’m currently trying to figure out just how much effort I should be putting into conflict within certain social contexts. I have identified my pattern of how I deal with conflict within certain social contexts, and concluded I am putting _way_ too much time and energy into these contexts. I know _why_ I did this (only option when I was a child in a cult, who could not live a life aligned with the cult’s value system without complete self-annihilation) and I was _really really good at it_, so good, that I got all kinds of positive reinforcement from just about everyone about how amazing I was because of how good I was at it. However, just because people say nice things, doesn’t mean you are doing the right thing. Just because you are good at something, does not mean it is worth your time and energy. I’m now trying to reassess how much time and energy to put into this, and really struggling with that.