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walkitoutIt rained. Heavily. I did not walk today. M. came over for a visit, tho.
I had a nice long call with J.
I had a short call with K., which was interrupted; we will try again tomorrow.
I had a webex call with the facility in Florida. I like the new therapist, who apparently runs the anger management group down there. He seems even better than the first therapist; he stopped BIL in the moment as he was ratcheting up to do his Be All Emotional And Try to Make That Someone Else’s Responsibility (which honestly, at this point, I think it is fair to say that none of us are playing along anymore, but it is still a miserable experience) and said, hey, just talk about what you are doing. You are bringing all this extra emotion here, and it is not needed. Your family is not putting you on trial. _I_ felt validated, because a lot of what BIL does is emote as if you did something, when in fact you did not, but it creates a lot of confusion, and then we all try to say, oh, gosh, no, that is not what we meant, which with a regular human being would be reasonable — reassure and carry on — but with BIL is instead used to stymie even the most basic request for anything at all. I am not in a good space with the current dynamic, because it seems like there is a goal for BIL to participate in “voc”, which is Here Is A Job Take It situation. For some reason, whenever I get anywhere near any kind of Try to Jolly Someone Into Getting a Job, I go immediately to what I went through with my first husband and just want to bail out NOW. I have absolutely no patience for that process any more; it all got burnt through in my early 20s. Which is pretty ludicrous, given that I retired at 29, and my husband just retired and neither of us is 60 yet. You would think I would have more tolerance for a failure to have a job but it turns out that unless someone is very clearly contributing something in some other way (or has in the recent past), I just do not. This is fine, tho; this is why he is Somewhere Else, and why I am paying for that. Either they accomplish things or they do not, but I hired the relevant professionals and the attempt was made and that will have to be Good Enough.
I had a nice long call with J.
I had a short call with K., which was interrupted; we will try again tomorrow.
I had a webex call with the facility in Florida. I like the new therapist, who apparently runs the anger management group down there. He seems even better than the first therapist; he stopped BIL in the moment as he was ratcheting up to do his Be All Emotional And Try to Make That Someone Else’s Responsibility (which honestly, at this point, I think it is fair to say that none of us are playing along anymore, but it is still a miserable experience) and said, hey, just talk about what you are doing. You are bringing all this extra emotion here, and it is not needed. Your family is not putting you on trial. _I_ felt validated, because a lot of what BIL does is emote as if you did something, when in fact you did not, but it creates a lot of confusion, and then we all try to say, oh, gosh, no, that is not what we meant, which with a regular human being would be reasonable — reassure and carry on — but with BIL is instead used to stymie even the most basic request for anything at all. I am not in a good space with the current dynamic, because it seems like there is a goal for BIL to participate in “voc”, which is Here Is A Job Take It situation. For some reason, whenever I get anywhere near any kind of Try to Jolly Someone Into Getting a Job, I go immediately to what I went through with my first husband and just want to bail out NOW. I have absolutely no patience for that process any more; it all got burnt through in my early 20s. Which is pretty ludicrous, given that I retired at 29, and my husband just retired and neither of us is 60 yet. You would think I would have more tolerance for a failure to have a job but it turns out that unless someone is very clearly contributing something in some other way (or has in the recent past), I just do not. This is fine, tho; this is why he is Somewhere Else, and why I am paying for that. Either they accomplish things or they do not, but I hired the relevant professionals and the attempt was made and that will have to be Good Enough.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-14 04:51 pm (UTC)I'm glad you have the relevant professionals dealing with this. The therapist sounds great.
You have validated me on many levels and I so value that. Thank you!
Date: 2020-10-14 05:39 pm (UTC)