Tuesday was not the usual schedule
May. 13th, 2025 10:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
walkitoutR. went out to Florence, so I drove A. both ways. My walk with M. was delayed because J. has something scheduled (again) on Wednesday, so we had our chat today after the MEPFP / OAC. So it was a busy day, and between J. losing his temper at me on the phone, and A. asking me a lot of questions during some really unpleasant traffic, plus multiple phone calls with J. from the builder, and with H. (R.’s cousin) and also talking to the broker, by the time I was approaching home, I’d completely lost it.
I remain committed to having a good time, despite the results of the last election, and despite nearly everyone I know apparently being committed to not only being miserable themselves, but also repeating a lot of things that aren’t true, and also assuming a lot of very odd things and acting like those might also be true. I’m really struggling. I know that the problem is that I’ve been trying to do too many things (renovation plus new house construction, plus travel planning, plus decluttering, plus accidentally winding up playing a much bigger role than anticipated in C.’s health issues) and not being able to relax and do calm and enjoyable things. So I’m going to double down on the calm and enjoyable things and start being really aggressive about making R. and A. find things to do together. I tried to facilitate that, and it is just not working. So I’m going to tell them to do stuff together away from me and let them figure it out.
It almost doesn’t matter whether they succeed; they will at least not be around for some amount of my time AND will probably treat me better. And who knows. Maybe they’ll find something they love doing together and decide that’s better than being around cranky walkitout.
I went over some of the decluttering discourse writing project with A. on the assumption that she would ask a million questions and that would expose real problems that would need to be corrected. That did actually happen, altho it was also kind of exhausting and frustrating for me, in large part because I felt like I had to really be very careful about how I responded to her questions and criticisms to avoid upsetting her.
I wrapped up the day by basically hitting the ever extending to-do list really hard, and doing a lot of small things that I had high confidence I could complete, so I would at least feel good about that. And it did help a little.
I remain committed to having a good time, despite the results of the last election, and despite nearly everyone I know apparently being committed to not only being miserable themselves, but also repeating a lot of things that aren’t true, and also assuming a lot of very odd things and acting like those might also be true. I’m really struggling. I know that the problem is that I’ve been trying to do too many things (renovation plus new house construction, plus travel planning, plus decluttering, plus accidentally winding up playing a much bigger role than anticipated in C.’s health issues) and not being able to relax and do calm and enjoyable things. So I’m going to double down on the calm and enjoyable things and start being really aggressive about making R. and A. find things to do together. I tried to facilitate that, and it is just not working. So I’m going to tell them to do stuff together away from me and let them figure it out.
It almost doesn’t matter whether they succeed; they will at least not be around for some amount of my time AND will probably treat me better. And who knows. Maybe they’ll find something they love doing together and decide that’s better than being around cranky walkitout.
I went over some of the decluttering discourse writing project with A. on the assumption that she would ask a million questions and that would expose real problems that would need to be corrected. That did actually happen, altho it was also kind of exhausting and frustrating for me, in large part because I felt like I had to really be very careful about how I responded to her questions and criticisms to avoid upsetting her.
I wrapped up the day by basically hitting the ever extending to-do list really hard, and doing a lot of small things that I had high confidence I could complete, so I would at least feel good about that. And it did help a little.