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walkitoutI’m really unhappy about absolutely everything I’m reading about conversation and interruptions. Most of it sounds mildly plausible on the face of it, and I’m sure people have found much of the advice helpful at times. Certainly, I have found a lot of this kind of advice helpful at times. But it’s all _terrible_ advice in that it can cause people to do exactly the wrong thing — encourage women to speak even less, amplify systemic racism, etc.
So now I’m looking for an alternative frame for whatever went wrong in conversation that people mean when they say don’t interrupt me / let me finish and/or can I please just get a word in / when is it my turn / if I don’t say it right away I’ll forget it. Clearly, the exchange is unsatisfactory.
ETA:
A relay race where each person just randomly hurls the baton, not even anywhere near the next person in the relay. And where the next person in the relay is off running in the wrong direction without the baton.
ETAYA:
I’ve been dismantling the Colosseum (Lego) again while listening to APA podcasts. The couples therapy one (it’s good, and worth a listen — https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/relationship-advice) uses the metaphor of playing _catch_ vs _tennis_ for relationship interactions. Stop trying to score points; try to be gentle and help the other person catch the ball.
So that’s really interesting. Liane Davey is describing “interruption” in the context of a sizable body of information being conveyed by one person to one or more other people. That “interruption” is interruption to a _presentation_, not in a “conversation”.
The how to interrupt in English politely, and quite a bit of the things I was complaining about in Bustle are how to participate as a audience member to a show.
The Presidential Debate advice revolved around interruptions between two people who are vying for attention from a third party or parties.
Absolutely none of this is relevant to an actual _conversation_.
The stuff about dealing with domineering (male) people in a group interaction, I dunno, I still think that’s a dick measuring competition and if you intend to win it, the best approach remains to just go all in or leave early.
Also, wow.
So now I’m looking for an alternative frame for whatever went wrong in conversation that people mean when they say don’t interrupt me / let me finish and/or can I please just get a word in / when is it my turn / if I don’t say it right away I’ll forget it. Clearly, the exchange is unsatisfactory.
ETA:
A relay race where each person just randomly hurls the baton, not even anywhere near the next person in the relay. And where the next person in the relay is off running in the wrong direction without the baton.
ETAYA:
I’ve been dismantling the Colosseum (Lego) again while listening to APA podcasts. The couples therapy one (it’s good, and worth a listen — https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/relationship-advice) uses the metaphor of playing _catch_ vs _tennis_ for relationship interactions. Stop trying to score points; try to be gentle and help the other person catch the ball.
So that’s really interesting. Liane Davey is describing “interruption” in the context of a sizable body of information being conveyed by one person to one or more other people. That “interruption” is interruption to a _presentation_, not in a “conversation”.
The how to interrupt in English politely, and quite a bit of the things I was complaining about in Bustle are how to participate as a audience member to a show.
The Presidential Debate advice revolved around interruptions between two people who are vying for attention from a third party or parties.
Absolutely none of this is relevant to an actual _conversation_.
The stuff about dealing with domineering (male) people in a group interaction, I dunno, I still think that’s a dick measuring competition and if you intend to win it, the best approach remains to just go all in or leave early.
Also, wow.