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Monday brings weird
Jun. 10th, 2024 10:34 pmR. went out to the meeting at the house site. MIL apparently — I didn’t learn this until much later — told R. she wanted to go see the house. He said, well, I’m going Monday. I tried to talk her out of it as soon as I heard that she was planning this, but didn’t succeed. Well, she’s not my responsibility, really, at least not when he’s in the picture. So, this morning, she’s up looking for coffee and saying she’s not feeling great. I’m like, hey, -don’t go then- and I really leaned hard on her. She was really worried that he’d be disappointed, and that sounded improbable to me, but remember, at this point in the timeline, I did not yet know he hadn’t even invited her. She invited herself. (I’m not trying to hide anything from her — it’s a two hour drive each way, an hour plus in a meeting in a trailer, and porta potties. Not the most fun day, and kinda tiring even for us to do, much less her.)
Anyway. I attempted to console her by saying I didn’t used to talk people out of things and regretted it when I realized later they just didn’t understand what they were getting themselves into, and I used as an example Priestess visiting Cape Cod with us and that whole hurricane situation. This resulted in MIL saying she was evading paying a fee at the place she lives now that is obscurely related to hurricane season and potential evacuation related costs in the event of a hurricane. She said she didn’t believe she’d get it back even if it wasn’t used. Her plan is to go stay at SIL’s condo nearby. I asked if SIL would be at that condo during hurricane season (knowing full well should would not be there — that condo is a vacation / rental property most of the time but definitely at that time of year). Nope, SIL would not be there. And MIL had invited her boyfriend at the assisted living facility to _also_ evade the evacuation fee with her.
Are you fucking kidding me.
I tried a variety of tactics to wheedle her around to rethinking this, and then deployed the big guns: you do realize that you won’t be able to get medical assistance in the event of an unrelated medical event, during a hurricane. Oh. No, she hadn’t realized that. She was sad. I hugged her and I just said I wanted her to have a feeling of safety in her life. And then I thought about it for a while. I sent email to other SIL (the one who talked her into moving into this facility in the first place), as a heads up.
Then MIL went to the bathroom, and was really glad she hadn’t gotten into a car and been on the road for 25 minutes. She went upstairs to rest after that. I called R. and told him to thank me for not having had that happen with her in the car with him. He did.
Somewhat later, MIL, M. and I all went for a walk, and I saw MIL walking up the slight hill on Spencer approaching Prospect. She had both hands behind her back, one hand firmly grasping the other wrist, almost like she’d handcuffed herself. It looked weird, and while she often looks somewhat bent over (if she gets any idea you are looking at her being somewhat bent over, she immediately and with great pride says she has scoliosis. Honey, so do I, and I’ve had it for way longer than you have), having one’s hands behind one’s back like that will force the torso forward even more. I asked her why she was doing that, and she said she was trying to keep her back straight. I refrained from commenting on that part, and just noted that it was important to have one’s arms swinging by one’s side for balance when walking. M. has her own motor issues, and is a sensible person and she immediately chimed in to support what I said. MIL did a really weird out-of-sync thing (forcing the arm to move with the leg on the same side, which is hard to do, and almost impossible to sustain) for a few paces before just walking normally (and significantly more upright).
I kept thinking, tho, if you have both hands behind your back, it’ll be hard to get your hands out to control your fall and protect your head. But as hard as it would be if you’d say, put them on your hips, it would be basically impossible if one hand held the other wrist in a death grip. It goes a long ways to explaining how she keeps falling down while out walking by herself, scratching up her face and neck, and otherwise not getting so much as bruised. She’s quite short (even more so these days) and leaning forward, so close to the ground anyway. She’s basically shuffling along and the falls are likely a slow motion tip forward in which she catches herself with her forehead. Not. Ideal.
I went for a walk with R. after dinner with MIL and R. It was supposed to be all four of us at Seasons 52, but there was some confusion with A.’s schedule and she got out early so I went to pick her up and then fed her a little dinner (and more after). The three of us went to West Village Tavern and ran into B., who we used to see all the time at Julie’s Place. So good to see her! Anyway. I asked R. about the circumstances of how MIL had got it into her head that he might be disappointed if she didn’t go out to the site with him. And _that_ is when I learned that he hadn’t invited her at all, and really didn’t care one way or the other if she went with him.
Fuck.
So. Today in weird: MIL makes a big deal about not going to do something that no one wanted her doing anyway (“Oh I don’t want to disappoint him!”). MIL tells me she intends to evade hurricane evacuation orders to save $1500. And MIL walks in a super weird and dangerous way, and gives an implausible explanation for doing so.
I’ve got three more days of this. Friday, R. and T. take her up to Maine for the wedding, and I don’t see them again until Sunday. It’ll just be A. and me. If I survive until then, the weekend is gonna be great. I just don’t understand how I’m gonna get through the next three days.
ETA: If you’re thinking of telling me things like, “I think she might be trying to get you to offer the $1500 to pay the evacuation fee”, believe me, I know that’s what that was about. And also, if she’s completely out of money, I’m happy to pay the fee. But if she’s got money, she has to spend all of her money first before I’m paying anything for her; I’m not funding someone so they can leave money to other people. Come on. If you’re thinking of asking something like, “Do you really think she’s falling on purpose?” Well, everyone has already had that conversation, and I am firmly on the side of, well, _part_ of her is doing this intentionally, but the rest of her has no idea what that part of her is up to, so what exactly to you mean when you say someone does something on purpose?
I’m mostly wondering if any of this is real. I mean, she could have legit made up all of the stuff about the evacuation fee. Certainly, the way she presented R.’s invitation to go look at the house was pretty made up.
Not my circus. Not my monkeys.
Anyway. I attempted to console her by saying I didn’t used to talk people out of things and regretted it when I realized later they just didn’t understand what they were getting themselves into, and I used as an example Priestess visiting Cape Cod with us and that whole hurricane situation. This resulted in MIL saying she was evading paying a fee at the place she lives now that is obscurely related to hurricane season and potential evacuation related costs in the event of a hurricane. She said she didn’t believe she’d get it back even if it wasn’t used. Her plan is to go stay at SIL’s condo nearby. I asked if SIL would be at that condo during hurricane season (knowing full well should would not be there — that condo is a vacation / rental property most of the time but definitely at that time of year). Nope, SIL would not be there. And MIL had invited her boyfriend at the assisted living facility to _also_ evade the evacuation fee with her.
Are you fucking kidding me.
I tried a variety of tactics to wheedle her around to rethinking this, and then deployed the big guns: you do realize that you won’t be able to get medical assistance in the event of an unrelated medical event, during a hurricane. Oh. No, she hadn’t realized that. She was sad. I hugged her and I just said I wanted her to have a feeling of safety in her life. And then I thought about it for a while. I sent email to other SIL (the one who talked her into moving into this facility in the first place), as a heads up.
Then MIL went to the bathroom, and was really glad she hadn’t gotten into a car and been on the road for 25 minutes. She went upstairs to rest after that. I called R. and told him to thank me for not having had that happen with her in the car with him. He did.
Somewhat later, MIL, M. and I all went for a walk, and I saw MIL walking up the slight hill on Spencer approaching Prospect. She had both hands behind her back, one hand firmly grasping the other wrist, almost like she’d handcuffed herself. It looked weird, and while she often looks somewhat bent over (if she gets any idea you are looking at her being somewhat bent over, she immediately and with great pride says she has scoliosis. Honey, so do I, and I’ve had it for way longer than you have), having one’s hands behind one’s back like that will force the torso forward even more. I asked her why she was doing that, and she said she was trying to keep her back straight. I refrained from commenting on that part, and just noted that it was important to have one’s arms swinging by one’s side for balance when walking. M. has her own motor issues, and is a sensible person and she immediately chimed in to support what I said. MIL did a really weird out-of-sync thing (forcing the arm to move with the leg on the same side, which is hard to do, and almost impossible to sustain) for a few paces before just walking normally (and significantly more upright).
I kept thinking, tho, if you have both hands behind your back, it’ll be hard to get your hands out to control your fall and protect your head. But as hard as it would be if you’d say, put them on your hips, it would be basically impossible if one hand held the other wrist in a death grip. It goes a long ways to explaining how she keeps falling down while out walking by herself, scratching up her face and neck, and otherwise not getting so much as bruised. She’s quite short (even more so these days) and leaning forward, so close to the ground anyway. She’s basically shuffling along and the falls are likely a slow motion tip forward in which she catches herself with her forehead. Not. Ideal.
I went for a walk with R. after dinner with MIL and R. It was supposed to be all four of us at Seasons 52, but there was some confusion with A.’s schedule and she got out early so I went to pick her up and then fed her a little dinner (and more after). The three of us went to West Village Tavern and ran into B., who we used to see all the time at Julie’s Place. So good to see her! Anyway. I asked R. about the circumstances of how MIL had got it into her head that he might be disappointed if she didn’t go out to the site with him. And _that_ is when I learned that he hadn’t invited her at all, and really didn’t care one way or the other if she went with him.
Fuck.
So. Today in weird: MIL makes a big deal about not going to do something that no one wanted her doing anyway (“Oh I don’t want to disappoint him!”). MIL tells me she intends to evade hurricane evacuation orders to save $1500. And MIL walks in a super weird and dangerous way, and gives an implausible explanation for doing so.
I’ve got three more days of this. Friday, R. and T. take her up to Maine for the wedding, and I don’t see them again until Sunday. It’ll just be A. and me. If I survive until then, the weekend is gonna be great. I just don’t understand how I’m gonna get through the next three days.
ETA: If you’re thinking of telling me things like, “I think she might be trying to get you to offer the $1500 to pay the evacuation fee”, believe me, I know that’s what that was about. And also, if she’s completely out of money, I’m happy to pay the fee. But if she’s got money, she has to spend all of her money first before I’m paying anything for her; I’m not funding someone so they can leave money to other people. Come on. If you’re thinking of asking something like, “Do you really think she’s falling on purpose?” Well, everyone has already had that conversation, and I am firmly on the side of, well, _part_ of her is doing this intentionally, but the rest of her has no idea what that part of her is up to, so what exactly to you mean when you say someone does something on purpose?
I’m mostly wondering if any of this is real. I mean, she could have legit made up all of the stuff about the evacuation fee. Certainly, the way she presented R.’s invitation to go look at the house was pretty made up.
Not my circus. Not my monkeys.