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Convos walks and the comfort of Things
Dec. 2nd, 2022 03:28 pmI had a couple of really great phone conversations today, one with J., and one with K. Very nice!
I did the 3 mile walk by myself while on the phone with K.
I did not walk with M., because I want to make sure that I am not contagious with anything. I don’t think I am anymore — I’m increasingly convinced that vertigo / sinus thing was a combo of allergies, hormones and barometric pressure yo-yoing associated with a storm system, but I don’t want to guess wrong and regret it.
While we were in NJ, A. got kinda distressed, and the way I helped her with it was by listening to what was bothering her and using what she said to guide the solution. So, you know, no brainer parenting / comfort. But the specifics were a little unusual. At home, her spot in the kitchen has a ton of her stuff surrounding where she eats. I try to make sure it doesn’t take over more than about a third of the table, but it can creep up to half. Sometimes I’ll edit it down and move some to her room, or to a memory box or whatever. I only clear it completely a couple times a year, and I make sure she knows why, and where the stuff went and when those events are done, it goes back to the way it was (clean / organized end of the way it was). In NJ, she had her stuff, but it was arranged on a table in front of her, and that was distressing her. So I moved her to a different area where no one was currently hanging out, and set her up in a travel version of how she sets things up at home, and she felt much better.
I suspect that a lot of people do some version of this — photo frames, a favorite mug, comfort items like candy and lip balm, etc. — at work and when traveling and so forth. I know I do. The most important version for me is by the bed, where I have chargers set up, and a flashlight, a pocket knife, lip balm, a place for a glass of water, a spot for my glasses. I have a travel version of this. I’m not sure we really think very hard about how important this is for our comfort and reassurance in a space. And I’m starting to wonder if hoarding grows out of getting comfort from Our Things Around Us, and _not_ getting comfort in other ways, and over time, alternative sources of comfort (friends, family, etc.) being chased away by the scale of Stuff required for our comfort and our interactions increasingly being about getting rid of the Stuff (getting rid of the comfort).
It’s a lot to think about. I’m not advocating for anything. I’m just noting that this could be part of a difficult dynamic.
I did the 3 mile walk by myself while on the phone with K.
I did not walk with M., because I want to make sure that I am not contagious with anything. I don’t think I am anymore — I’m increasingly convinced that vertigo / sinus thing was a combo of allergies, hormones and barometric pressure yo-yoing associated with a storm system, but I don’t want to guess wrong and regret it.
While we were in NJ, A. got kinda distressed, and the way I helped her with it was by listening to what was bothering her and using what she said to guide the solution. So, you know, no brainer parenting / comfort. But the specifics were a little unusual. At home, her spot in the kitchen has a ton of her stuff surrounding where she eats. I try to make sure it doesn’t take over more than about a third of the table, but it can creep up to half. Sometimes I’ll edit it down and move some to her room, or to a memory box or whatever. I only clear it completely a couple times a year, and I make sure she knows why, and where the stuff went and when those events are done, it goes back to the way it was (clean / organized end of the way it was). In NJ, she had her stuff, but it was arranged on a table in front of her, and that was distressing her. So I moved her to a different area where no one was currently hanging out, and set her up in a travel version of how she sets things up at home, and she felt much better.
I suspect that a lot of people do some version of this — photo frames, a favorite mug, comfort items like candy and lip balm, etc. — at work and when traveling and so forth. I know I do. The most important version for me is by the bed, where I have chargers set up, and a flashlight, a pocket knife, lip balm, a place for a glass of water, a spot for my glasses. I have a travel version of this. I’m not sure we really think very hard about how important this is for our comfort and reassurance in a space. And I’m starting to wonder if hoarding grows out of getting comfort from Our Things Around Us, and _not_ getting comfort in other ways, and over time, alternative sources of comfort (friends, family, etc.) being chased away by the scale of Stuff required for our comfort and our interactions increasingly being about getting rid of the Stuff (getting rid of the comfort).
It’s a lot to think about. I’m not advocating for anything. I’m just noting that this could be part of a difficult dynamic.