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walkitoutNot an ex. I’ve already cyberst.., er, yeah, whatever.
Honestly, I hadn’t really thought about this person for about 10 years. 10 years ago, my DisneyWorld trip was supposed to (and did) include my sister and her family, JJ and their kids. It was, in theory, also going to include the H.’s (they wound up getting divorced), an ex, and the person that I am currently researching. None of those people showed up. Planning the trip was kind of surreal, because I was trying to figure out at least dinner reservations for this very large group of an uncertain size, but it kept getting easier as people bailed out on us. I was super relieved the ex didn’t show up.
But J was really distressed that the person I’m currently researching never showed up. That person, DAS, only told J that he wasn’t coming when he found out that he was being included on dinner reservations. At that point, DAS offered up a whole bunch of information: he no longer was living in Florida caring for his aging parents, because his dad had died, and he had moved to NYC to help his sister raise her very young child or children. J was kinda freaked out about the whole thing and somewhat frosty at finding out only in this very strange way.
Over the years, some information came out about J that J had not previously known, or if he had, he’d suppressed it. His mother was not Jewish, so in the view of some, he was not Jewish, but his father was Jewish. The other J, his wife, had a mother who was Jewish, but her father was not. But she counted as Jewish by people who think of things in this particular way. I don’t recall exactly the point at which J figured it all out — it was when J did a bunch of ancestry research, if I recall correctly. Finally, I want to point out that Jewish-but-didn’t-know-it J had a mother who was RLDS. I’m somewhere in this picture too (exJW) so there’s a lot of reason to see all of this as foreshadowing.
Anyway. J is worried that DAS is being taken advantage of by a crazy / domineering / verbally unpleasant sister and will be turfed out when the kids are grown. I’m skeptical. Kids tend to love the person who raised them, and it takes a lot to erase that. I knew DAS at least a little, and I didn’t see any kids he raised as hating him and being okay with mom turfing him out when they went to college. Also, the story J is telling is one of DAS’ sister orchestrating the care of their aging parents by telling her brother (or brothers) where to go and what to do. Does not sound like a person who will use ‘em and lose ‘em.
I thought, Self, do what you do best. Find out what the hell is going on here. Because it more and more sounds like there’s a religious component here that has not been fully appreciated. And indeed there is. I knew that DAS was vegetarian when eating out at other people’s houses / in restaurants, and kosher isn’t something you do lightly. I was betting on Orthodox in the background and boy did I find Orthodox in the background. Close enough to where everyone was living in Seattle, in Florida, and in NYC to be walkable on Sabbath. So. Gotta have a weird phone call with J. where I tell him that DAS didn’t let him into his house for Reasons and everyone is suspicious of DAS having social connection to J for same Reasons, and it all comes down to none of us are Orthodox, and if you are Orthodox, you aren’t supposed to have close connections to people who aren’t.
Ugh. I guess it’s better than randomly awful family. There’s at least congregational support in the background.
Honestly, I hadn’t really thought about this person for about 10 years. 10 years ago, my DisneyWorld trip was supposed to (and did) include my sister and her family, JJ and their kids. It was, in theory, also going to include the H.’s (they wound up getting divorced), an ex, and the person that I am currently researching. None of those people showed up. Planning the trip was kind of surreal, because I was trying to figure out at least dinner reservations for this very large group of an uncertain size, but it kept getting easier as people bailed out on us. I was super relieved the ex didn’t show up.
But J was really distressed that the person I’m currently researching never showed up. That person, DAS, only told J that he wasn’t coming when he found out that he was being included on dinner reservations. At that point, DAS offered up a whole bunch of information: he no longer was living in Florida caring for his aging parents, because his dad had died, and he had moved to NYC to help his sister raise her very young child or children. J was kinda freaked out about the whole thing and somewhat frosty at finding out only in this very strange way.
Over the years, some information came out about J that J had not previously known, or if he had, he’d suppressed it. His mother was not Jewish, so in the view of some, he was not Jewish, but his father was Jewish. The other J, his wife, had a mother who was Jewish, but her father was not. But she counted as Jewish by people who think of things in this particular way. I don’t recall exactly the point at which J figured it all out — it was when J did a bunch of ancestry research, if I recall correctly. Finally, I want to point out that Jewish-but-didn’t-know-it J had a mother who was RLDS. I’m somewhere in this picture too (exJW) so there’s a lot of reason to see all of this as foreshadowing.
Anyway. J is worried that DAS is being taken advantage of by a crazy / domineering / verbally unpleasant sister and will be turfed out when the kids are grown. I’m skeptical. Kids tend to love the person who raised them, and it takes a lot to erase that. I knew DAS at least a little, and I didn’t see any kids he raised as hating him and being okay with mom turfing him out when they went to college. Also, the story J is telling is one of DAS’ sister orchestrating the care of their aging parents by telling her brother (or brothers) where to go and what to do. Does not sound like a person who will use ‘em and lose ‘em.
I thought, Self, do what you do best. Find out what the hell is going on here. Because it more and more sounds like there’s a religious component here that has not been fully appreciated. And indeed there is. I knew that DAS was vegetarian when eating out at other people’s houses / in restaurants, and kosher isn’t something you do lightly. I was betting on Orthodox in the background and boy did I find Orthodox in the background. Close enough to where everyone was living in Seattle, in Florida, and in NYC to be walkable on Sabbath. So. Gotta have a weird phone call with J. where I tell him that DAS didn’t let him into his house for Reasons and everyone is suspicious of DAS having social connection to J for same Reasons, and it all comes down to none of us are Orthodox, and if you are Orthodox, you aren’t supposed to have close connections to people who aren’t.
Ugh. I guess it’s better than randomly awful family. There’s at least congregational support in the background.