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walkitoutI decided recently to see what 2023 had to offer in the way of decluttering advice. I do this … at intervals. I find reading decluttering books (and related things like personal organization, time management, etc.) a calming activity and there are usually one or two tips or tricks or new perspectives in any given book, even if it has a lot of problems. Sometimes, a book is _really good_ even if I don’t wind up adopting much of anything from the book.
I’m not the target audience of these books. I’m really not. I’m not the person who tons of clutter including books about clutter. I don’t expect these books to be validating to me, or anything like that. I expect them to be aimed at people who are quite different from me, and to validate how that person experiences life, the world around them, etc., and part of what I get out of reading these books more recently is a deeper understanding of the target audience of these books (at least, in my imagination that is what is happening!).
2023’s take on decluttering is making explicit a theme of decluttering books that has been present more or less as long as this genre of self-help book has existed: mental health support and ways to feel better about oneself and to relate better to oneself, one’s loved ones, one’s stuff, etc. This is wonderful! I could not be more enthused (<— totally serious).
One of my longest standing criticisms of books which aim to help predominantly women feel better about their struggles with small children, cooking, cleaning, household maintenance, etc., is of the frame Self Care as Put Your Own Mask On First, or as, “You can’t take care of other people unless you take care of yourself first.” Obviously, I _want_ people to take care of themselves. Also, I want people to take care of themselves PERIOD. NOT so they can go on to do stuff for other people. It’s _fine_ if they also care for others. Or whatever. Framing it in this _particular_ way feeds in a little too much to the You Are Only Worthy to the Extent You Serve Others thing that results in so many predominantly women self-sacrificing to the point of self-destruction. This book does this in the context of advocating for use of disposable plates, prepasted disposable toothbrushes, etc. I am _NOT_ opposed to the use of these products and I am NOT here to judge anyone who makes use of them (also kinda wishing I’d known about the disposable toothbrushes a while ago!). The author is loving, caring, compassionate, delightful, etc. and really trying hard to get through to people who are paralyzed completely by the need to eat or brush teeth or whatever and to do so in a perfectionistic way with respect to some environmentalist / recycling / wtf thing. The frame arises in this context. It is _probably_ a helpful frame in this context _for the target audience_. I’m not the target audience. This frame gives me hives. IT IS FINE TO USE DISPOSABLE. You don’t need to justify it. You do you. If someone is judging, they should fucking shut up and take out the trash or clean the toilets or do something else equally helpful. Play with the older kid. Take the baby out in a stroller for a walk. Whatever.
I like the author’s insistence that if the thing is worth doing, it is worth doing partially. It is worth doing in a half-assed way. I LOVE that the author’s response to items on the list that she never got around to were _removed from the list_. This is _great stuff_. It is such a powerful depiction of Making Excellent Choices down in the weeds of parenting / home maintenance / wtf that it is actually _difficult_ for me to call to mind anyone who has ever done it better.
It’s clear that the target audience has a lot of beliefs and standards with respect to keeping house. I LOVE that the author moves the target audience firmly in the direction of wash everything together on cold. And also, the introductory section describing the author’s perspectives on what those beliefs and standards might be was aggravating to read. Seriously, as parents now, I hope we all teach our kids to do everything early and badly, and then never go back to “finish the job”, because functionally, it is finished. It is Good Enough.
Davis uses the 9 square from Lean. I’m on the fence about this one. On the one hand, using familiar things from a work context, such as this one, or the idea of opening and closing routines, can help move keeping house from an amorphous, endless series of never done tasks, all of the highest priority (someone we love Cares so we MUST do it for THEM because we LOVE them!) to — or at least in the direction of — meh, it’s good enough. On the other hand, I generally disapprove of sitting down and making lists and applying priority ordering and so forth to the list. I’d much rather people made a list and then started committing to NEVER DOING most of the list. If you can get most of the things off the list, and then do one or two of whatever is left in an 80/20 sort of way (put in 20% of the effort and get 80% of the benefit), in general, things will get to Good Enough and mostly stay in the general neighborhood of Good Enough.
Finally, there were personal hygiene related sections that I had very mixed feelings about. I think this author did a nice job of trying to talk the target audience off the ledge, and given the current excess going on in Shower Routines and Face Care, it’s a helluva ledge. I did very much appreciate that the author brought in someone to provide some commentary on Black hair to supplement the fairly detailed Caucasian hair recovery from being in bed for weeks. It would have been nice to have someone in to advocate for shower once a week, no products at all approach. I mean, it works. It’s great. It solves so many problems. And so few people seem to realize that it actually _can_ work. Given how many routines and products _don’t_ work for people, it seems unfair to not include the Nothing (but water, and that not too often) option.
I’m not the target audience of these books. I’m really not. I’m not the person who tons of clutter including books about clutter. I don’t expect these books to be validating to me, or anything like that. I expect them to be aimed at people who are quite different from me, and to validate how that person experiences life, the world around them, etc., and part of what I get out of reading these books more recently is a deeper understanding of the target audience of these books (at least, in my imagination that is what is happening!).
2023’s take on decluttering is making explicit a theme of decluttering books that has been present more or less as long as this genre of self-help book has existed: mental health support and ways to feel better about oneself and to relate better to oneself, one’s loved ones, one’s stuff, etc. This is wonderful! I could not be more enthused (<— totally serious).
One of my longest standing criticisms of books which aim to help predominantly women feel better about their struggles with small children, cooking, cleaning, household maintenance, etc., is of the frame Self Care as Put Your Own Mask On First, or as, “You can’t take care of other people unless you take care of yourself first.” Obviously, I _want_ people to take care of themselves. Also, I want people to take care of themselves PERIOD. NOT so they can go on to do stuff for other people. It’s _fine_ if they also care for others. Or whatever. Framing it in this _particular_ way feeds in a little too much to the You Are Only Worthy to the Extent You Serve Others thing that results in so many predominantly women self-sacrificing to the point of self-destruction. This book does this in the context of advocating for use of disposable plates, prepasted disposable toothbrushes, etc. I am _NOT_ opposed to the use of these products and I am NOT here to judge anyone who makes use of them (also kinda wishing I’d known about the disposable toothbrushes a while ago!). The author is loving, caring, compassionate, delightful, etc. and really trying hard to get through to people who are paralyzed completely by the need to eat or brush teeth or whatever and to do so in a perfectionistic way with respect to some environmentalist / recycling / wtf thing. The frame arises in this context. It is _probably_ a helpful frame in this context _for the target audience_. I’m not the target audience. This frame gives me hives. IT IS FINE TO USE DISPOSABLE. You don’t need to justify it. You do you. If someone is judging, they should fucking shut up and take out the trash or clean the toilets or do something else equally helpful. Play with the older kid. Take the baby out in a stroller for a walk. Whatever.
I like the author’s insistence that if the thing is worth doing, it is worth doing partially. It is worth doing in a half-assed way. I LOVE that the author’s response to items on the list that she never got around to were _removed from the list_. This is _great stuff_. It is such a powerful depiction of Making Excellent Choices down in the weeds of parenting / home maintenance / wtf that it is actually _difficult_ for me to call to mind anyone who has ever done it better.
It’s clear that the target audience has a lot of beliefs and standards with respect to keeping house. I LOVE that the author moves the target audience firmly in the direction of wash everything together on cold. And also, the introductory section describing the author’s perspectives on what those beliefs and standards might be was aggravating to read. Seriously, as parents now, I hope we all teach our kids to do everything early and badly, and then never go back to “finish the job”, because functionally, it is finished. It is Good Enough.
Davis uses the 9 square from Lean. I’m on the fence about this one. On the one hand, using familiar things from a work context, such as this one, or the idea of opening and closing routines, can help move keeping house from an amorphous, endless series of never done tasks, all of the highest priority (someone we love Cares so we MUST do it for THEM because we LOVE them!) to — or at least in the direction of — meh, it’s good enough. On the other hand, I generally disapprove of sitting down and making lists and applying priority ordering and so forth to the list. I’d much rather people made a list and then started committing to NEVER DOING most of the list. If you can get most of the things off the list, and then do one or two of whatever is left in an 80/20 sort of way (put in 20% of the effort and get 80% of the benefit), in general, things will get to Good Enough and mostly stay in the general neighborhood of Good Enough.
Finally, there were personal hygiene related sections that I had very mixed feelings about. I think this author did a nice job of trying to talk the target audience off the ledge, and given the current excess going on in Shower Routines and Face Care, it’s a helluva ledge. I did very much appreciate that the author brought in someone to provide some commentary on Black hair to supplement the fairly detailed Caucasian hair recovery from being in bed for weeks. It would have been nice to have someone in to advocate for shower once a week, no products at all approach. I mean, it works. It’s great. It solves so many problems. And so few people seem to realize that it actually _can_ work. Given how many routines and products _don’t_ work for people, it seems unfair to not include the Nothing (but water, and that not too often) option.