Divorce and Genealogy

A lot of people think about genealogy in terms of looking up parents, grandparents etc. They get a little further along, and they get interested in finding cousins, or better stories, or celebrity connections and start looking at collateral relatives — aunts, great uncles, third cousins twice removed, whatever. But even then, still tend to be thinking in terms of when were they born, when did they die. After a while, maybe _where_ were they born, where did they die. They get interested in marriages.

People who get into genealogy because of a health concern will sometimes look into _why_ they died, and look for patterns in age at death and similar. When I realized that Washington State had a really open records law, I pulled all the death records I could. It was really depressing.

I also pulled divorce records for one grandmother who I knew was married several times, and for a great-grandfather who I had realized was married several times. Those were absolutely bizarre excursions into court systems and kinda sad?

Lately, I’ve been just doing “hints”, which is a lot of 1950s census records, and some other things that have been added since the last time I was actively working on my tree. And let me just say: all those cliches about homophobes being gay turn out to _also_ apply to divorce. If you have a family that is just _death_ on the topic of divorce, you are looking at a family in which just about every marriage has at least one previous marriage that is being actively concealed.

I posted about Audrey. Audrey’s unusual in a host of ways (married at 14! Then at 22. And then at 12 year intervals, like clockwork. I mean, what?). But what I had not realized was how many _other_ divorces were scattered liberally through my father’s immediate family. One sister had a tragic life with no marriage. But the other sister had a squeaky clean life history: missionary for the cult, married once, life long marriage ending with the death of her husband, good relationships with the in-laws and with the cult side of the family. And now I’m looking at a hint that indicates husband had a previous marriage? What? The remaining brother (not the one who married Audrey) again, squeaky clean life history; in that case, I was well aware of the wife’s previous marriage. She also was in a circus for a while; there is a picture of her riding an elephant. She was a delight and everyone loved her and we all miss her still.

I’m quite skeptical of marriage in general, altho as a genealogist, it’s kind of nice that it leaves records of relationships for later generations to explore. I have no problem with divorce, other than that a lot of people probably wait way too long to get divorced and it would all be so much better if people called it off quicker. But I was raised by people who were really, really, really against divorce. And I’m starting to see that as them telling on themselves.

Genealogy and Death Certificates

A while ago, I pulled a ton of death certificates from Washington State. Apparently, I failed to pull the certificate for a step-grandfather OR I completely blocked out of my head the contents of the death certificate. I just pulled it up online (Washington State Digital Archives has a lot more images now than the last time I was there). A little backstory, first, tho.

When I was a child, I was aware that my mother’s mother (maternal grandmother) had been married several times. I was much less clear on what had happened to the various husbands. She wasn’t married at all for some of my childhood, and then she married a brother of her first husband. She divorced her first husband (story was he cheated, and it does not seem incorrect, per se, altho he married the other woman and they stayed married until he died and while the other woman had had previous husband(s), she did not remarry again). Another marriage didn’t last very long. But a third marriage lasted a while, involved children from the previous marriage and produced a child who was therefore a half-uncle. What happened to that husband? I conferred with my sister on this, and we weren’t really sure what we were told, but one of us had heard that he had died of cancer or possibly suicide connected to learning he had cancer. Of course that was utter bullshit. There was a divorce and it was acrimonious. I pulled some of those records and was a little appalled.

Anyway.

He lived until 1991. He remarried in 1959 and they remained married until she died in 1981. I had read an obit, and was surprised the obit mentioned the son who was my half-uncle, because AFAIK, there had never been any contact between my half-uncle and his father but honestly, I know nothing and what I do know is confused and/or lies.

Today, I read the death certificate. There are a variety of elements of a death certificate, for things like “spouse” and “informant”. The “informant” in this case was the son (not my half-uncle — child of first marriage for the man in question). Under spouse was listed _the first wife_. There were _two_ other marriages after that one, but neither of those wives is listed. !!! You know what? Fair.

So how’d he die?

Chronic depression leading to suicide by strangulation by hanging himself.

There was some unexpected ultimate truth to the suicide claim, apparently. (Of course, he was still alive when I was told he’d died by suicide.)

If there is a moral here, it’s probably that you shouldn’t read death certificates.

Sunday: Superpets

I took the kids to see Superpets. It was awesome. I mean, really fun, really good, lovely ending, made me laugh a bunch. I had not had dinner yet and it was a 7 pm show, so I got waffle fries and a Jacks Abby Blood Orange Wheat bear. A. usually gets a small popcorn, so when I want some, I upgrade to a regular. Yes dear reader, dinner was beer, popcorn and fries. It was _delightful_. There was ketchup. So, depending on how you count that, two servings of grain, fruit and veg. Alternatively, one serving of grain, two veg and fruit. Definitely vegetarian, possibly vegan.

A. had her portal playdate. We did family zoom. R. got a bike ride in and took T. out to practice driving. I got a walk with M in the morning, and I did 2 1 mile loops while on the phone with my sister. Nice day.