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Still More Decluttering
Jan. 21st, 2022 10:00 amI was cleaning the kitchen (sorta), and emptied the snack drawer and the plasticware drawer so I could vacuum them. The trays — which we almost never use — were sticky, so I washed those and I’m not sure I’m putting them back. I may donate them. I have sorted through and edited out some of the plasticware as well. These drawers are heavily used and it always helps to reduce what is in them; otherwise, if things aren’t put away exactly right, they don’t close until you rearrange, which is a pain.
I continue to delete things from my password manager.
I caught up on a couple days of TRMS. R. has been pretty worried about political news lately, and while on the one hand, I definitely understand (plenty of people also worried), on the other hand, the trend has seemed so good to me that I thought, well, maybe I’m just not caught up on everything I should be freaked out about?
But no, I don’t think I’m inadequately freaked out. I think it’s a slog, and that can be a bummer because it feels like it’s not getting better, when really it’s not getting better fast enough. I manage things like this by playing out the decision tree of possible futures, and making sure I know what I would do in the various scenarios, and being certain that I have taken actions _now_ that plausibly could make a difference to tilt things the way I want them to go. This minimized regret, and leaves me centered in a place of confidence.
As much as I dislike frames of gratitude and forgiveness, it occurs to me that I _also_ spent a fair amount of time internally thinking through things like, well, if I’d done that, how would I want to be treated / how would I feel about a friend who did that / how does my situation compare to others. This helps me stop escalating expectations that might prevent me from enjoying the good things in my life. Finally, I get a great deal of personal satisfaction and enjoyment from watching things unfold along paths I anticipated (I don’t know _which_ path, but I have a universe of likely futures, and as long as things stay within that universe, it is satisfying to me), and, no lie, schadenfreude is rewarding. As near as I can tell, he’s a little too kind to really enjoy watching comeuppance or the finding out part of Fuck Around and Find Out. I do understand that others consider that a Good Thing. I don’t.
I continue to delete things from my password manager.
I caught up on a couple days of TRMS. R. has been pretty worried about political news lately, and while on the one hand, I definitely understand (plenty of people also worried), on the other hand, the trend has seemed so good to me that I thought, well, maybe I’m just not caught up on everything I should be freaked out about?
But no, I don’t think I’m inadequately freaked out. I think it’s a slog, and that can be a bummer because it feels like it’s not getting better, when really it’s not getting better fast enough. I manage things like this by playing out the decision tree of possible futures, and making sure I know what I would do in the various scenarios, and being certain that I have taken actions _now_ that plausibly could make a difference to tilt things the way I want them to go. This minimized regret, and leaves me centered in a place of confidence.
As much as I dislike frames of gratitude and forgiveness, it occurs to me that I _also_ spent a fair amount of time internally thinking through things like, well, if I’d done that, how would I want to be treated / how would I feel about a friend who did that / how does my situation compare to others. This helps me stop escalating expectations that might prevent me from enjoying the good things in my life. Finally, I get a great deal of personal satisfaction and enjoyment from watching things unfold along paths I anticipated (I don’t know _which_ path, but I have a universe of likely futures, and as long as things stay within that universe, it is satisfying to me), and, no lie, schadenfreude is rewarding. As near as I can tell, he’s a little too kind to really enjoy watching comeuppance or the finding out part of Fuck Around and Find Out. I do understand that others consider that a Good Thing. I don’t.