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I had a Dutch lesson! I got to see my instructor's fabulous new house; it is beautiful. I rarely experience any form of envy about other people's houses, because I am so smugly satisfied with my own life, but I must confess that the quiet cul de sac, the many trees, the amazing quiet -- while still close to lots of fun things -- and the beautiful house itself briefly aroused envy in my heart. I am super happy for him and his whole family, that they get to live together in such wonderful surroundings. Also, great school district for the kiddos, and kids a couple doors down for them to play with.
I walked with M., after I got home. A.'s sitter picked her up and took her to see The Emoji Movie, then out to dinner and back to the house around 6 p.m. This worked out pretty well, which is a huge improvement from last week. R. and I went to Raven. They now have dairy free desserts! They have boozy sorbet. I was going to order one, but I was somewhat full and A. was texting me to come home NOW NOW NOW. It's like separation anxiety has returned with a vengeance. Which given that she will be turning 9 in a couple of months is moderately puzzling. Maybe I should read a little about this age to find out what's going on.
My car will be in the shop until Friday; the part is supposed to arrive on Thursday. Oh well. T. and I took the car down to the middle class guilt reduction station to drop off a bag of clothing. I'm assembling a bin of things to take to Household Goods. And I purged a file box -- I purged enough out of there to nearly fill the recycling bin, which is somewhat frightening and means I have to wait to take more out until after the bins are emptied on Thursday morning/early afternoon.
ETA:
http://www.schoolbehavior.com/disorders/anxiety-disorders/separation-anxiety-in-children-and-teens/
I think I have a friend whose son went through this, actually, and around the predicted time frame (transition to middle school). But it's not really what is going on with my daughter, at least, it isn't refusing to go to school; it's not wanting to go with the sitter. And she actually has a solid explanation for why she doesn't want to go with the sitter and I share some of her issues with the sitter (that is, if the sitter had let her nose down into a game or a tv show on her iPad whenever she wanted to, I don't think any of this would ever have happened -- it was persistent overstimulation socially, auditory, and too much sun that seems to have triggered the problem, all of which is compatible with the known social limitations that my entire family has). This is why the movie worked out okay -- she didn't have to carry on a conversation, so she didn't mind being out and about for a couple hours as long as she didn't have to be "social".
I'm waffling on how much of this is anxiety related. Anxiety is definitely a factor for my daughter (and she came by it honestly, altho not directly from me). It's good to have a list of recommendations that includes, don't tell the kid one thing (just an hour!) and then change the deal on them. Knowing that this will backfire helps explain the progression of things and where we went wrong.
ETA:
https://www.anxietybc.com/parenting/separation-anxiety-disorder
This says there is a peak in separation anxiety between 7 and 9! Yay! Right on time!
It is weirdly nice to know that things are not nearly as bad as they could be. She has no trouble being in a room alone (or on a different floor of the house from me). And so far, no school refusal at all.
OKAY THIS NEXT BIT COULD BE TRIGGERY FOR SUICIDE:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11086557
I've only read the abstract / conclusions, but I think it's clear that the reason attempters don't have separation anxiety is because they are not actually attached at all. Or if they are, it's a deeply problematic attachment where it doesn't feel safe to ask for attention directly. So if your kid is thinking and/or talking about suicide and has separation anxiety, you should probably pat yourself on the back. At least they are attached to you! (<-- And this is why silver lining comments are so Unhelpful.)
I walked with M., after I got home. A.'s sitter picked her up and took her to see The Emoji Movie, then out to dinner and back to the house around 6 p.m. This worked out pretty well, which is a huge improvement from last week. R. and I went to Raven. They now have dairy free desserts! They have boozy sorbet. I was going to order one, but I was somewhat full and A. was texting me to come home NOW NOW NOW. It's like separation anxiety has returned with a vengeance. Which given that she will be turning 9 in a couple of months is moderately puzzling. Maybe I should read a little about this age to find out what's going on.
My car will be in the shop until Friday; the part is supposed to arrive on Thursday. Oh well. T. and I took the car down to the middle class guilt reduction station to drop off a bag of clothing. I'm assembling a bin of things to take to Household Goods. And I purged a file box -- I purged enough out of there to nearly fill the recycling bin, which is somewhat frightening and means I have to wait to take more out until after the bins are emptied on Thursday morning/early afternoon.
ETA:
http://www.schoolbehavior.com/disorders/anxiety-disorders/separation-anxiety-in-children-and-teens/
I think I have a friend whose son went through this, actually, and around the predicted time frame (transition to middle school). But it's not really what is going on with my daughter, at least, it isn't refusing to go to school; it's not wanting to go with the sitter. And she actually has a solid explanation for why she doesn't want to go with the sitter and I share some of her issues with the sitter (that is, if the sitter had let her nose down into a game or a tv show on her iPad whenever she wanted to, I don't think any of this would ever have happened -- it was persistent overstimulation socially, auditory, and too much sun that seems to have triggered the problem, all of which is compatible with the known social limitations that my entire family has). This is why the movie worked out okay -- she didn't have to carry on a conversation, so she didn't mind being out and about for a couple hours as long as she didn't have to be "social".
I'm waffling on how much of this is anxiety related. Anxiety is definitely a factor for my daughter (and she came by it honestly, altho not directly from me). It's good to have a list of recommendations that includes, don't tell the kid one thing (just an hour!) and then change the deal on them. Knowing that this will backfire helps explain the progression of things and where we went wrong.
ETA:
https://www.anxietybc.com/parenting/separation-anxiety-disorder
This says there is a peak in separation anxiety between 7 and 9! Yay! Right on time!
It is weirdly nice to know that things are not nearly as bad as they could be. She has no trouble being in a room alone (or on a different floor of the house from me). And so far, no school refusal at all.
OKAY THIS NEXT BIT COULD BE TRIGGERY FOR SUICIDE:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11086557
I've only read the abstract / conclusions, but I think it's clear that the reason attempters don't have separation anxiety is because they are not actually attached at all. Or if they are, it's a deeply problematic attachment where it doesn't feel safe to ask for attention directly. So if your kid is thinking and/or talking about suicide and has separation anxiety, you should probably pat yourself on the back. At least they are attached to you! (<-- And this is why silver lining comments are so Unhelpful.)