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walkitoutI forget exactly when I finished JAK’s ebook reprint of _The Pirate_. Like _The Other Lady Vanishes_ some pretty fun back and forth rescuing. Like some of the older JAK books (and romance novels of a particular era in general) a certain amount of annoying gender conflict (battle of the sexes / Kiss Me Kate type stuff). Nothing that struck me as beyond the pale, but I forgive JAK for things that would put me off someone else, so, forewarned!
The biggest consent issue in the whole book is the framing device. The main character has just published a successful book / done the book tour. She’s exhausted. Her friends work with her agent to _buy her a month long vacation_ in a even more distant than Hawaiian island group. This is a surprise. They pack her bags. She puts up resistance. Wow. I mean, this is apparently a Thing with her and her friends, and I get that different people have different boundaries, but, Wow. And then she tries to run out of her romantic partner and he blocks her ability to get a flight off the island at one point. These are pretty huge consent issues that don’t really have anything specifically to do with sex. (Not even the one with her romantic partner.) #18
_If You’re In My Office, It’s Too Late_ by James J Sexton is a divorce lawyer memoir / relationship advice book (subtitled: A Divorce Lawyer’s Guide to Staying Together). As a memoir, it is amazing. He’s laugh out loud funny, and walks a fine line between being a transgressive asshole and a savior. It’s a weird combination and it works — on the page — really well. As a relationship advice book, it is uneven. Some of the advice is straight up awful (the extremely behaviorist Catch Them Doing Something You Want More of and Reward It With Praise / Blowjobs, in particular, is deeply problematic. I’m a pretty transactional, behaviorist person, but even I recognize that if you use that strategy consistently in relationships, you may well have relationships where people really value you and really want to be with you. Whether you still want to be with them after getting what you thought you wanted is another matter entirely. Also, if someone did to me what he is advising, I’d be completely convinced I was being cheated on). Some of the advice is interestingly unexpected. R. and I used to joke that the only way anyone with small children got to have a life outside the small children / house / relationship was by ending the relationship, setting up a parenting plan / custody arrangement that let the parents take turns completely — 3 on 3 off 1 switch. Oddly, Sexton advises _exactly that_. Minus the divorce. I don’t know, really. I’m unprepared to call it _bad_ advice (a la the behaviorist / transactional blow jobs thing which I _am_ prepared to call bad advice). But it doesn’t feel quite right, either.
A lot of the book is specifically directed at trying to get people to communicate earlier / more often / more specifically. That’s to the good. He’s really down on people expecting their partner to read their minds. That really can’t be said enough. He has limited but decent advice on “fighting fair”. He’s super negative on “constructive criticism” and this is something that was a bit of a head scratcher, but he does say at the beginning of the book that a bunch of his guidelines contradict each other. I think most people who were serious about wanting to improve their relationship would be better served by reading something about non-violent communication, and maybe something about having good boundaries and really understanding oneself / one’s values. I didn’t go into this expecting good advice tho — I came here for the divorce war stories. Of course, divorce war stories are always highly specific, and NY has super weird divorce laws (even post reform) (I realize that, as a resident of Massachusetts, I’m not exactly in a position to complain about this — Mass laws on divorce are right up there with Connect the Dots divorce laws). They are fun stories, especially since I don’t know any fo the participants. #19
_Ascendant_ by Jack Campbell is part of the Genesis Fleet prequel series. I have no idea if any of these books would work as standalones, but since I’ve read all the rest of them, I love love love them. I particularly enjoyed the Rob and Ninja’s developing family in the background. I’m so happy SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS that Mele Darcy didn’t die. And the Lochan Nakamura storyline continues to deliver lots of laughs as yet another much younger woman throws herself at him then, when they are alone, has yet another plan for how he can help get them out of a very dangerous situation. He has such a great sense of humor about it, and it is particularly fun watching him navigate his not-yet-relationship with Brigit Kelly in this context. He’s a good guy, without being ridiculous about it. I also _loved_ the reciprocal rescuing. #20
I read #19 and #20 while touring Storyland and Santa’s Village. I mean, some of it I read at home or at the hotel, but quite a bit I read while waiting for A. to ride a ride.
The biggest consent issue in the whole book is the framing device. The main character has just published a successful book / done the book tour. She’s exhausted. Her friends work with her agent to _buy her a month long vacation_ in a even more distant than Hawaiian island group. This is a surprise. They pack her bags. She puts up resistance. Wow. I mean, this is apparently a Thing with her and her friends, and I get that different people have different boundaries, but, Wow. And then she tries to run out of her romantic partner and he blocks her ability to get a flight off the island at one point. These are pretty huge consent issues that don’t really have anything specifically to do with sex. (Not even the one with her romantic partner.) #18
_If You’re In My Office, It’s Too Late_ by James J Sexton is a divorce lawyer memoir / relationship advice book (subtitled: A Divorce Lawyer’s Guide to Staying Together). As a memoir, it is amazing. He’s laugh out loud funny, and walks a fine line between being a transgressive asshole and a savior. It’s a weird combination and it works — on the page — really well. As a relationship advice book, it is uneven. Some of the advice is straight up awful (the extremely behaviorist Catch Them Doing Something You Want More of and Reward It With Praise / Blowjobs, in particular, is deeply problematic. I’m a pretty transactional, behaviorist person, but even I recognize that if you use that strategy consistently in relationships, you may well have relationships where people really value you and really want to be with you. Whether you still want to be with them after getting what you thought you wanted is another matter entirely. Also, if someone did to me what he is advising, I’d be completely convinced I was being cheated on). Some of the advice is interestingly unexpected. R. and I used to joke that the only way anyone with small children got to have a life outside the small children / house / relationship was by ending the relationship, setting up a parenting plan / custody arrangement that let the parents take turns completely — 3 on 3 off 1 switch. Oddly, Sexton advises _exactly that_. Minus the divorce. I don’t know, really. I’m unprepared to call it _bad_ advice (a la the behaviorist / transactional blow jobs thing which I _am_ prepared to call bad advice). But it doesn’t feel quite right, either.
A lot of the book is specifically directed at trying to get people to communicate earlier / more often / more specifically. That’s to the good. He’s really down on people expecting their partner to read their minds. That really can’t be said enough. He has limited but decent advice on “fighting fair”. He’s super negative on “constructive criticism” and this is something that was a bit of a head scratcher, but he does say at the beginning of the book that a bunch of his guidelines contradict each other. I think most people who were serious about wanting to improve their relationship would be better served by reading something about non-violent communication, and maybe something about having good boundaries and really understanding oneself / one’s values. I didn’t go into this expecting good advice tho — I came here for the divorce war stories. Of course, divorce war stories are always highly specific, and NY has super weird divorce laws (even post reform) (I realize that, as a resident of Massachusetts, I’m not exactly in a position to complain about this — Mass laws on divorce are right up there with Connect the Dots divorce laws). They are fun stories, especially since I don’t know any fo the participants. #19
_Ascendant_ by Jack Campbell is part of the Genesis Fleet prequel series. I have no idea if any of these books would work as standalones, but since I’ve read all the rest of them, I love love love them. I particularly enjoyed the Rob and Ninja’s developing family in the background. I’m so happy SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS that Mele Darcy didn’t die. And the Lochan Nakamura storyline continues to deliver lots of laughs as yet another much younger woman throws herself at him then, when they are alone, has yet another plan for how he can help get them out of a very dangerous situation. He has such a great sense of humor about it, and it is particularly fun watching him navigate his not-yet-relationship with Brigit Kelly in this context. He’s a good guy, without being ridiculous about it. I also _loved_ the reciprocal rescuing. #20
I read #19 and #20 while touring Storyland and Santa’s Village. I mean, some of it I read at home or at the hotel, but quite a bit I read while waiting for A. to ride a ride.