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No Water at the Wine "Tasting"
Nov. 30th, 2017 09:37 amOver a year ago, this was posted to Medium:
https://medium.com/@kristicoulter/https-medium-com-kristicoulter-the-24-hour-woman-3425ca5be19f
She has a book coming out next August. And I generally am interested in women with drinking problems who get sober and then write about the phenomenon more generally, because I actually do think there are some salient differences in the way women experience substance abuse than men, and I think these differences are worth exploring (not as a hard and fast thing -- there are probably still far more differences within each gender than between the two with this as with everything else).
I enjoyed reading this piece. It made me laugh. It made me want to read more by her. I also immediately observed that a mandatory company event which involved alcohol and did not supply water was cruising for a lawsuit that I would be happy to help fund because that looks like a winner to me.
When I say things like that, I really should pay a lot more attention to what I am saying. Because what I am trying to say and not actually letting into my conscious, well-lit brain is a dark suspicion that I am being lied to.
"Traveling for work, I steel myself for the company-sponsored wine tasting. Skipping it is not an option. My plan is to work the room with my soda and lime, make sure I’m seen by the five people who care about these things, and leave before things get sloppy (which they always do). Six wines and four beers are on display at the catering stand. I ask for club soda and get a blank look. Just water, then? The bartender grimaces apologetically. “I think there’s a water fountain in the lobby?” she says.
There is. But it’s broken. I mingle empty-handed for 15 minutes, fending off well-meaning offers to get me something from the bar. After the fifth, I realize I’m going to cry if one more person offers me alcohol. I leave and cry anyway. "
I have several observations here. First, I'm standing by my original, superficial observation. If this is a mandatory ("Skipping it is not an option.") company sponsored event and there is no water / non-alcoholic option, then there is a lawsuit that can be won. But there is an alternative explanation. Skipping it _is_ an option. And Skipping Out was the option ultimately taken. And honestly, as soon as she hit the broken water fountain in the lobby? Probably should have left. This is a threat to her sobriety, for sure, but it also got me thinking. There is a Thing in 12 Step culture, in which people tell stories of challenges to their new experience of being sober, and being in environments in which there are all these things pushing alcohol at them and all their heroic efforts to say no / making better choices are thwarted. This looks like there is an underlying event that was adjusted to fit that Thing.
But wait! There's more!
So this is a person who has some experience with drinking (she got sober, as near as I can tell, after 40). She has, either because she encountered it In Real Life, or because she is engaging in creative writing or some weird middle ground between there such as that occupied by people like David Sedaris (A True Thing That Didn't Actually Happen, shall we say), just described a wine tasting _with no water_, to which _she did not bring a bottle of water_, and which is located in a building _with a lobby_ and in which she cannot find a vending machine to _sell her a bottle of water_. Or a reception desk / concierge etc. to direct her to a functioning water fountain or vending machine. Never mind having alcohol forced on one. I want to know where this place is. I don't think there is a place in a city in this country without water bottles for purchase or for free within a 100 yards (I'll concede there might be large city parks somewhere, but that's kind of what it would take). _THAT_ is the real story of this wine tasting. They found a water bottle free zone. Weird!
Every life story is a little different, and none of us are particularly wonderful people when we tell all our dark thoughts and all the sins of commission and omission that make up our personal history. I don't have any particular reason to suspect this author is notably better or worse than anyone else. No Water at the Wine Tasting does not bother me because of character issues with the author. No Water at the Wine Tasting suffers from reality testing. I don't think it happened that way. I don't think the author perceives that the truth was materially different from her recollection. And I sort of wonder if maybe that distortion of perception is perhaps a bit more pervasive for this author than for run-of-the-mill fucked up humanity. If I do go ahead and read her memoir -- I might -- it'll be under a microscope for Did This Really Actually Happen That Way, and I don't mean, are you a good person / are you a bad person. It'll be under a microscope for the kind of charm that suggests an underlying personality disorder.
https://medium.com/@kristicoulter/https-medium-com-kristicoulter-the-24-hour-woman-3425ca5be19f
She has a book coming out next August. And I generally am interested in women with drinking problems who get sober and then write about the phenomenon more generally, because I actually do think there are some salient differences in the way women experience substance abuse than men, and I think these differences are worth exploring (not as a hard and fast thing -- there are probably still far more differences within each gender than between the two with this as with everything else).
I enjoyed reading this piece. It made me laugh. It made me want to read more by her. I also immediately observed that a mandatory company event which involved alcohol and did not supply water was cruising for a lawsuit that I would be happy to help fund because that looks like a winner to me.
When I say things like that, I really should pay a lot more attention to what I am saying. Because what I am trying to say and not actually letting into my conscious, well-lit brain is a dark suspicion that I am being lied to.
"Traveling for work, I steel myself for the company-sponsored wine tasting. Skipping it is not an option. My plan is to work the room with my soda and lime, make sure I’m seen by the five people who care about these things, and leave before things get sloppy (which they always do). Six wines and four beers are on display at the catering stand. I ask for club soda and get a blank look. Just water, then? The bartender grimaces apologetically. “I think there’s a water fountain in the lobby?” she says.
There is. But it’s broken. I mingle empty-handed for 15 minutes, fending off well-meaning offers to get me something from the bar. After the fifth, I realize I’m going to cry if one more person offers me alcohol. I leave and cry anyway. "
I have several observations here. First, I'm standing by my original, superficial observation. If this is a mandatory ("Skipping it is not an option.") company sponsored event and there is no water / non-alcoholic option, then there is a lawsuit that can be won. But there is an alternative explanation. Skipping it _is_ an option. And Skipping Out was the option ultimately taken. And honestly, as soon as she hit the broken water fountain in the lobby? Probably should have left. This is a threat to her sobriety, for sure, but it also got me thinking. There is a Thing in 12 Step culture, in which people tell stories of challenges to their new experience of being sober, and being in environments in which there are all these things pushing alcohol at them and all their heroic efforts to say no / making better choices are thwarted. This looks like there is an underlying event that was adjusted to fit that Thing.
But wait! There's more!
So this is a person who has some experience with drinking (she got sober, as near as I can tell, after 40). She has, either because she encountered it In Real Life, or because she is engaging in creative writing or some weird middle ground between there such as that occupied by people like David Sedaris (A True Thing That Didn't Actually Happen, shall we say), just described a wine tasting _with no water_, to which _she did not bring a bottle of water_, and which is located in a building _with a lobby_ and in which she cannot find a vending machine to _sell her a bottle of water_. Or a reception desk / concierge etc. to direct her to a functioning water fountain or vending machine. Never mind having alcohol forced on one. I want to know where this place is. I don't think there is a place in a city in this country without water bottles for purchase or for free within a 100 yards (I'll concede there might be large city parks somewhere, but that's kind of what it would take). _THAT_ is the real story of this wine tasting. They found a water bottle free zone. Weird!
Every life story is a little different, and none of us are particularly wonderful people when we tell all our dark thoughts and all the sins of commission and omission that make up our personal history. I don't have any particular reason to suspect this author is notably better or worse than anyone else. No Water at the Wine Tasting does not bother me because of character issues with the author. No Water at the Wine Tasting suffers from reality testing. I don't think it happened that way. I don't think the author perceives that the truth was materially different from her recollection. And I sort of wonder if maybe that distortion of perception is perhaps a bit more pervasive for this author than for run-of-the-mill fucked up humanity. If I do go ahead and read her memoir -- I might -- it'll be under a microscope for Did This Really Actually Happen That Way, and I don't mean, are you a good person / are you a bad person. It'll be under a microscope for the kind of charm that suggests an underlying personality disorder.