Transplanting a Seattleite

But M and I got a 10 am walk before it hit 80, altho boy was it humid.

R. brought down his Victorinox backpack roller from 2005 +/-. I wasn’t going to list it, and then I realized, Saying I Won’t List It is the beginning of a lot of, and then I listed it and hilarity ensued. So I listed it, and I warned off one of my regulars, and someone is supposedly coming by for the flashlights and expressed interest in the luggage so I figured I’d show it to him but warn him about the wobbly wheel and the worn all the way through parts. It would be perfect for schlepping tools around for a season, but that’s about all the life it has left in it. It could assist in a couple moves, type of thing.

Anyway. I picked it up, and it felt much heavier than it should have, so I opened it up (I’d taken pictures fairly mechanically and the weight hadn’t really registered at that point, at least not consciously. There was a bunch of stuff in there! Which is now on the dining table in the kitchen, waiting for R. to come in from mowing and decide what he would like to do with the stuff that was in there. Ziplock bags including the fancy kind for waterproofing on rides, a clip he uses to keep hotel curtains from having that annoying line of light down where they don’t quite meet, the travel knife in its plastic sheath, a cheap meat thermometer, lanyards. But also a Jansport backpack! A pretty decent one. I should list it, if he doesn’t want it, but he should know he’s getting rid of it, for sure.

I’ve got Big Plans for another chunk of decluttering discourse, that is about making personal metrics explicit. Right now, most decluttering discourse has explicit metrics (sparks joy, useful) and emphasizes that each person must declutter their own stuff, because no one knows anyone well enough to do this for them (not true in obvious edge cases, but these are books aimed at people with the power and will to throw away all the annoying stuff their spouse owns and they need to be warned away because of the probable consequences). The explicit metrics are not personal — and the personal metrics are not explicit.

I don’t know how much one can do with the sparks joy / is beautiful / charms / attracts etc. metrics. Those are Dark Part of the Brain things and making them explicit causes its own problems (Wants Don’t Have Whys). But the utility metrics could use some explicit attention. Is it useful TO YOU. Is it useful TO YOU NOW. WHEN will it be useful TO YOU. If you are keeping it for someone else, WHEN will it be useful TO THEM. Have they already told you that they don’t want it. Etc.

The discovery of a Kanga Room cord management thing that I bought yonks ago, and didn’t realize was still in the house, and which R. has no memory of using, is what made me realize that R. has a “is it useful” metric that doesn’t include “to me, in my future”. So if it WAS useful, it is “Useful”, even if it is not useful to him anymore and probably never will be again. I had no idea this was an issue, because it wasn’t hard moving along the kids clothes and stuff when they outgrew them. But he was very committed — as was I! — to not having more than 2, so maybe that provided an outsized dollop of clarity. Also, I had a path to the Next Kid that he could clearly see, which is very much the approach that is working now.

My hats were finally picked up! I left them out for porch pickup, and of the three items, that was the only bag claimed. Wild!

Also, the person came to get the galvanized water cooler. He wanted it for his chickens. I have my doubts about whether the item that he wanted is the one that he got, but you know what? It’ll be a fun experiment! Delphos also makes automated poultry watering equipment and I suspect that’s what he was hoping this was.

I was ghosted on the flashlights and the corelle and the usb-a extension cords. These are repeat offenders. In theory, someone is coming for the corelle tomorrow morning. We’ll see. ETA: Was not ghosted on the extension cords!!! Someone showed up!

I walked early with M. because it was hot out today. I took A. to therapy, then fed her dinner and went out to Silver Girl with R., where he got the chicken sandwich and fries, and we split the duck fat curry potatoes and I had the Brussel sprouts. I have leftover sprouts, but fewer than I expected. I had the Pink Pony Club, which is like a pink squirrel, but with coconut milk and some other changes (nocino, notably, along with the creme de noyaux and the creme de menthe). I’m feeling good about this Only Have the One Drink strategy.

I had a meeting with someone from Marvin about hypothetical smart locks they might one day make available on their doors. Nice conversation.

After that, there was what will hopefully be nearly the end of reviewing electrical outlets and other boxes. Fingers crossed. This morning I woke up to an email asking about where I wanted the switches for the towel warmers, and I was like, you wouldn’t put a switch on a fridge; don’t put a switch on the towel warmer (it has integrated controls including the ability to connect to alexa).

I walked with M.

R. went grocery shopping.

It was a nice, quiet day. I’m hoping to have more of these.

Today was the very first person on FB Marketplace who interacted with me in a way that really raised some questions in my mind.

As soon as someone expresses interest in an item I’ve listed free for local pickup only, I give them my address and tell them that if they give me a date and approximate time I will mark it pending for them to pick it. If they give me a date, and no one else is currently interested / has already ghosted me, I don’t insist on the approximate time. I’ll just mark it pending and tell them to give me an eta when they have one. This works well, and while sometimes I’m ghosted (sometimes repeatedly) it does move things along with the absolute minimum amount of communication on my part. I have some frequent flyers who if they ask if it’s available, I immediately mark it pending for them and tell them I’ve done so. They come pick up after they’ve got a half dozen or so things waiting for them and one of them brought me cookies when they did.

There are certain items, usually the kind of thing that a stereotypical guy might like (multi tool, incense burner, Guinness glasses), I tend to get a lot of Is This Available and then zero followup. I just let those sit, because sometimes they’ll follow up days later and if it’s still there, they can have it. But if someone else claims it, I don’t necessarily tell the people who asked about it that it has been claimed. I used to, but they rarely responded so I just don’t bother for the most part. I’ll bother if I list, multiple people express interest in a few minutes, and someone meets the provide a date criteria. Then I’ll tell everyone else that it’s been claimed but I’ll let them know if I’m ghosted.

Last night, someone wanted the Guinness but didn’t want to drive from Brookline MA to get it and wanted to know if I would leave it somewhere for them. I didn’t respond (“local pickup only” is the criteria). Several other people did the Is It Available and then nonresponse, and finally, someone said they’d get it Monday (two days from now). I marked it pending for them. The Brookline guy asked if I marked it pending for him, and I said no, someone else gave a date and it’s marked for them, and he put an angry face emoji. I thought about that for a while, and the fact that he had my address, and then I thought about the fact that he hadn’t wanted to drive from Brookline to here to pick up some Guinness glasses. I blocked him, and if he rolls up to harass me in person (unlikely, but possible), I’ll decide how to deal with it at the time.

In recluttering, last December at Epcot I saw a woman wearing cargo pants. She was built like me, and I asked her where she got them and she said what I should have expected (amazon). I found them on Amazon, and then wait, but can I get plus sized cargo pants in purple? I could! I did! And then I realized I really needed a belt. And I also really hate taking belts off going through security. So I’ve been shopping for metal free belts, and I started with Arcade, but they don’t make their extra long ones in the narrow width. The wider width just barely works, and is a hassle to get through the loops and back out, and I’m afraid it’ll wear at the loops. (Which is fine, but also I don’t want something to break while I am traveling.) (Nor do I want to travel with a sewing kit, which I’ve done in the past, but never actually needed.) I went looking for a narrower width and found the Invisibelt, which I initially dismissed until I realized their plus size really was long enough. I got it, and it does work, altho I have no idea how I feel about the buckle on that. Today, a Thomas Bates one arrived and I initially thought it wouldn’t work, but it’s actually great and super minimalist, rolls up tiny. I am very happy about this.

I had a one hour phone call with J.

I had a brief walk with T.

I walked with M.

I had all my meals at home — stir fry for lunch, and a meatloaf sandwich for dinner.

I had a one hour google meet with J. from the builder going over electrical outlets. We are going to try to finish that tomorrow.

We were about ten minutes later for therapy, but it was an interesting conversation. The process with making decisions post C.’s fall has highlighted something I saw a ton of during the house project. People knee-jerk doing the opposite of whatever someone wanted. Some of that I’m prepared to chalk up to territoriality and status crap, but sometimes, it really starts to look like poor judgment. After listening to A. (therapist), I’m starting to see how trust issues and discernment also play big roles — and probably in interacting ways. Lots to think about!

It is Memorial Day, which is, variously, a Monday where one may not have to go to school and/or work, a day where one has to figure out how to juggle child care responsibilities while still having to go to work, a day to remember those who have died in the service of our country and, for me, this year, a moment to remember how much I enjoyed Over My Dead Body by Greg Melville, because the author did such a lovely job of placing Decoration Day in historical and cultural context.

At the moment, I’m catching up on blogging, because I’ve been attending Balticon and hanging out with my sister and niblings who joined me at the con. It was a much shorter train ride for them than it was for me, and we left all the menfolk at home. It’s been fun and I’ve learned a ton. I’ll probably come back. Ironically, my sister wasn’t that enthused about this con, until I unilaterally decided to go with A. and invited them to come with me. Once here, it is being compared very favorably to RavenCon. Certainly, it is bigger, and both cons are very reader/writer focused, so the programming at both is what we love, but the quality of the moderation and the qualifications and competencies of the panel participants is wildly better. Some overlap, tho! Balticon is still running as a hybrid con which is nice to see.

ETA: I bought a tiara, a print, and a bottle of whisky over the last few days. The tiara wrapped up nicely and didn’t take up much space. The print is going to have to be handcarried. The whisky, it turns out, fits into a side pocket on the fjallraven kanken 17” laptop bag. It’s in a plastic bag within the pocket, in an effort to encourage people to not see what’s in my backpack. I’ll report back whether I have to ditch it on the way home. In theory, I think I can bring it on the train. Obviously this would not work on a plane.

ETAYA: I got a 30 minute reprieve on checking out, which was handy because A. wasn’t quite ready. We left our bags with the front desk, and walked over to the science museum where we looked around and saw the planetarium spring skies show. A. could not have dippin dots (sad face) because we were out of lactaid. Our next stop was a CVS where we bought offbrand lactase and branded Pepcid, both of which I intend to leave packed for future trips. Because of all this. CVS was a few doors down from a Shake Shack, so that’s where we had lunch including a frozen custard for A. She got the chicken sandwich, which looked really good.

We walked across the street to the con hotel to use the bathrooms, and then back to the Residence Inn to pick up our bags. We got an uber from there to the train station. My sister had gotten her train changed to an earlier one, still in the quiet car, so she was already home. I initially went to the wrong track, realized it was the wrong direction, asked for help, switched sides of the island (no need to go back up the stairs, yay!) and waited a couple more minutes and boarded. So far, have not had any damage to the print or the whisky. Presumably the tiara and so forth are fine in the bags.

We had a really nice time! I panicked a little, because time was getting tight, but we got to the train station about 30 minutes before boarding, so I even got to use the bathroom. The con floor was totally dead when we stopped at that hotel, so we had a bathroom to ourselves there. I know it’s stupid, but getting to have clean, quiet bathrooms is amazing.

Also! While waiting to board, there was someone with a paper Analog bungied on top of his roller so we chit-chatted. He’s got a novel coming out in the Eric Flint Ring of Fire universe involving Venice getting a radio (maybe 1633?). Apparently that’s where Charles Gannon is editing, keeping that massive multiverse going post death of Eric Flint. I couldn’t remember as we were chatting which panel I saw Gannon on; it was The Stakes are High and They’re Well Done, which was mostly about pacing. That’s the panel where I finally realized that all the “getting the beats right” comments were references to Save the Cat by Blake Snyder, and thus more examples of Novel / Story as screenplay.

It was a really good day.

I went to the The Cat Really Is Out to Get You panel about cats in SF. I was there because John Hemry/Jack Campbell was there, and I got there early enough to catch him before the panel started and show him the photo M. took when she met him at I believe Connecticon 10 years ago. I couldn’t attend, and I was envious, and they sweetly got a photo with him at that con. I’d lost it, but they still had it and resent it to me. In person, he’s almost exactly what I expected him to be like and the panel was enjoyable.

At 11:30, my sister and I attended the Sharon Lee interview, which was great. Since this is a hybrid con, I was not 100% certain she’d be there in person, but she was (and I got to see her in a later panel as well). The interviewer did a lovely job, and Sharon Lee’s story of her writing life is lovely and it was all a feel good time. After that, my sister and I went to the Water Street Tavern, which was a whole novel in itself. No unsweetened iced tea. The woman running the bar was hilarious and very entertaining. It’s very much a dive bar that gets a great combination of locals and regulars. It’s super close to the Residence Inn we stayed at, so I passed it repeatedly. The night before, when I’d gone out in a failed attempt to acquire Pepcid for A. (Gas-x ultimately got the job done), I’d passed it and it was crowded and raucous. Much quieter at lunch on a Saturday. I had the fish sandwich, which was fine, and a couple of beers, local, do not recall what but they were fine.

After lunch, I got A. up and through the shower and fed a meal.

I went to the 2:30 Editors Can Be Your Friends. This was really interesting, altho definitely a mixed bag. I was there to see Melissa Scott, and I chatted with her very briefly after the panel. There are a ton of grievances out there on the part of editors because people who submitted manuscripts were not happy with what happened next. Some of these grievances really do not sound great when aired.

I returned to the hotel to get A. in motion for dinner, and then we all ubered over to Bunny’s. I hadn’t intended to do anything non-walkable for this weekend, but I tripped over Bunny’s when reading menus and I couldn’t resist. It was amazing. I got the vegan chicken sandwich with vegan collard greens, and a “Silk Chiffon” cocktail that had a skewer with a little bite of vegan baklava on it. Wow. No regrets. We walked back, and that stretch of Baltimore is absolutely a lovely walk.

We’ve got a nor’easter, apparently. Oh well!

T. is headed to visit relatives over the weekend, as are A. and I. R. is staying put, however. She doesn’t have Friday classes anymore, so we’re headed out tomorrow to take the train to Balticon. Should be fun — we’ll be meeting my sister and niblings.

No walk with M., however we had a visit and I made use of the treadmill while chatting with Priestess.

And it was a long day, too, because we went over outlets and the metal artists came out and did a presentation. Lots of fun!

R. made chicken piccata.

R. and I went for an evening walk around the block. That was nice, altho there were a lot of gnats.

A. and I watched the first episode of Murderbot. Skarsgard really does do uncanny valley so so so well.

I put three bags in the bin out for porch pickup, and none of them were picked up. Mostly people are staying in contact, tho, so fingers crossed tomorrow they will go out. Someone asked about the hats, too!

I walked with M.

I had a delightful zoom with I.

I had a phone call with H. and C. I also saw them both on family zoom.

I had a delightful phone call with Priestess. She was clearing paper off the bar counter and filled two of the recycling bins from the corner. Wow!!!! I think she has motivated me to actually run the shredder. I did a bunch of proxy voting while I was on the phone call with her, and deleted a ton of email. I also figured out a way to set up my phone in the car if I have to do a call in there. It’s not great, but it should work if I want to actually have people see me (not clear if I do!).

A. and I watched a little TikTok.

I’m charging my lighted makeup mirror. I misplaced the cord, but R. tracked it down for me. In the course of repeatedly going through the drawers in the bathroom, I found the restaurant bag hook thingie that I had misplaced.

I mostly finished with the outlets project. I sent the email.

I’ve been talking with C. and H. about the respite option, and shared the list of places. It is not clear whether C. is actually waitlisted anywhere at all, and the opinions she is giving about the various places are NOT based on people she knows, but rather reading reviews online. Which is fine, but she seems to be confusing some of the places, which is of course unhelpful. Also, she’s got this idea that a 3.8 review on a 5 scale is a “D”. Which, no. H. needs to go home on Wednesday to do some things in her life, and I’m hoping that maybe she can do a tour Monday or Tuesday. They are claiming that the rehab place C. is in also does respite; if so, that may wind up being the default if C. is booted from rehab quickly, because I am deeply skeptical of her being able to be in her house without support with laundry and bathing and so forth. I’m trying not to worry too much, but to just assume that things will work out one way or the other. The way C. and H. make decisions is soooo strange to me.

It’s abundantly clear that the staff at the rehab are not taking C.’s assertion of being immunocompromised at all seriously. H. is upset, but it confirms what R. and I had believed all along. I am working hard to not engage when they complain about that or make assertions about how compromised her immune system is.