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I Will Never Believe Anything Ever Again
OK, the subject heading is obviously a lie.
However!
Hey, Spoilers! Also, the book came out in 1951 and is tremendously obscure and for all you know, I’m making all this shit up anyway.
I recently read _Dragon’s Island_, by Jack Williamson. In the book, there is a corporation. There are functionally 4 main characters in the book: our hero, Dane Belfast / Donovan “Don” Fallon, our heroine, Nan Sanderson, The Old Guy who runs Cadmus Corp, variously known as Belfast’s dad’s friend Kendrew and also as the head of Cadmus, J.D. Messenger. Finally, character number four, is the company itself.
There are other named “on-page” characters, notably, antagonist Gellian, mutant turncoat Van Loon, and victim Venn. There are unnamed “on-page” characters (the salesman who kills Venn, the guy who brings the oxygen out too late to help Messenger/Kendrew) and named “off-page” characters such as Heemskirk — who was probably but not certainly also a mutant, etc. Also, the murderous first wife of Kendrew, a parapsychologist, who suffered what we would call a psychotic break while pregnant with their second child.
There’s a lot of bonkers in the book, a lot of which makes sense once you catch up with it all, like, Belfast has never been sick in his life, not even a cold, and that is reiterated when Sanderson asks if he had any of the common childhood illnesses and he says no. Unlikely, to say the least! But of course, it’s all a clue that he, like Nan, is one of the adult results of Kendrew’s tinkering over the decades. Williamson writes very spare prose; if there’s a detail, it’s there for a reason, whether you ever work it out or not.
Despite being aware of and a mild fan of Jack Williamson when I was younger, I was entirely unaware of the existence of this book until 2021, when it turned up in a book by Jasmine Silvera as two characters bond over their shared love of its bonkers-ness. I looked it up, read a description, discovered I could get it as an e-book and then never got around to reading it until last night when it kept me up until 2 a.m.
The other thing I was doing last night was chatting with a friend about chatGPT. It was a lot of laughs; we were trying to get chatGPT to hallucinate and succeeding far better than we had expected, and we kept getting better and better at it. It knew you can’t sprain a personality, but you can get it to give you advice about a sprained xiphoid. It knew you can’t air fryer jello, but you can get it to give you advice about how to crisp up the exterior of jello using an air fryer. It knew borderline histrionic personality disorder was not in the DSM, but would tell you its prevalence and which gender was more likely to develop it and when — and when asked for how a comprehensive diagnostic assessment was used to differentiate it from other personality disorders, it gave a numbered list that included mention of DSM-5 and the entry in it for BHPD (it made that acronym up, not me!). By the end of the night, I was no longer particularly impressed that I could get it to tell me that you _can’t_ make meringue in an air fryer (you can) — I had higher goals.
So why am I going on and on about these two unrelated things? _Well, if you’d read Dragon’s Island, you’d have one theory, and if you’d spent time with chatGPT and me, you’d have another, and they are both true._
Turns out you can take any two unrelated things and make them feel importantly connected to each other, entirely independent of actual reality!
Hence the subject line.
All right, that’s enough philosophy. Today’s efforts with chatGPT were a mixed bag. I had noticed that a number of sites, including B&N, Amazon, and elsewhere that are all using this paragraph to describe _Dragon’s Island_:
“Dane Belfast is a young scientist seeking the whereabouts of a missing geneticist and family friend. A visit to the mysterious Cadman Corporation results in his being drugged and whisked off to a secret location called Dragon's Island, where "not-men" and other strange creatures -- as well as human geniuses -- seem to be created. Dane can't tell who to trust in this fast-paced adventure, which is the first novel to use the term "genetic engineering".”
Except, it’s not Cadman Corporation. It’s Cadmus Corporation. And now all these booksellers are collectively hallucinating something really inaccurate about the book. Just like chatGPT!
So I figured I’d ask chatGPT about the book, and see which corporation name _it_ thought was in the book. Only it turned out to be hard! The book is a little bit obscure, so I had to supply enough information to get it looking at the right book. And then, chatGPT surprised the hell out of me.
When asked about the main character of the novel, I got this:
“The main character in Jack Williamson's novel "Dragon's Island" is a scientist named Roy Carey. Carey is an expert in the field of genetics who is sent on a mission to a mysterious island to study a unique species of dragon that lives there. Throughout the course of the story, Carey must navigate the dangers of the island and uncover the secrets of the dragon species in order to fulfill his mission and return home safely.”
There are no dragons in the book! And he doesn’t return home.
But I forged ahead anyway, and asked about the company name. Was it Cadman? Cadmus? No!
“In Jack Williamson's novel "Dragon's Island," the company that sends the main character, Roy Carey, on his mission is referred to as the "World Science Foundation." This is a fictional organization that funds scientific research and exploration projects around the world. The Foundation sends Carey to Dragon's Island in order to study the unique species of dragon that lives there and gain a better understanding of the island's ecology and biology.”
ETA: I had asked chatGPT who the main character of Jane Eyre was (it did not get that wrong) to make sure it could do _something_ with character names in books. But this morning, I decided to try something much simpler than the Dragon’s Island thing.
Me: Who committed the murder in Murder on the Orient Express?
GPT: In Agatha Christie's novel "Murder on the Orient Express," the murderer is revealed to be Edward Raynor, also known as Cassetti. Raynor is a wealthy American businessman who is responsible for the kidnapping and murder of a young girl, Daisy Armstrong. The murder takes place on the luxury train, the Orient Express, and is investigated by the famous detective Hercule Poirot. Through a series of interviews and clues, Poirot is able to piece together the events of the crime and ultimately identify Raynor as the culprit.
There is no Raynor in the book. Cassetti is the murder victim. Cassetti was NOT a wealthy American businessman. And we all know how that murder was actually done. Also, the train itself is not a luxury train, and the murder does not occur in a first class compartment, for that matter.
I’m honestly starting to wonder if I’m finding the “fake streets” on the map designed to catch people copying the map and selling it illegally.
“Where was the purloined letter in Edgar Allen Poe’s short story of the same name hidden?”
“In Edgar Allan Poe's short story "The Purloined Letter," the letter in question is hidden in a desk drawer in the private apartments of the Minister D—, who has stolen it in order to blackmail the woman it concerns. The letter is central to the plot of the story and is sought after by both the police and the woman's friends, who enlist the aid of the story's protagonist, the amateur detective C. Auguste Dupin, in retrieving it. Dupin eventually succeeds in retrieving the letter through his intelligence and wit, and the story ends with the letter being returned to its rightful owner.”
You can apparently do this with _everything_ literary:
“What is a catcher in the rye?”
“"The Catcher in the Rye" is a novel by J.D. Salinger, first published in 1951. The novel follows the story of Holden Caulfield, a teenage boy who has been expelled from a preparatory school. Over the course of a few days, Holden wanders around New York City, grappling with feelings of disillusionment and loneliness. The title of the book comes from a song that Holden hears, in which the lyrics talk about a "catcher in the rye" who stands by a cliff and catches children as they fall off, preventing them from falling into a metaphorical "rye field." In Holden's mind, the catcher in the rye represents a figure of protection and innocence, and he aspires to become this figure for the children he encounters. The novel is considered a classic of 20th-century American literature and is often taught in schools.”
Also, funny! I had not realized that Salinger’s book and Williamson’s were published in the same year. Coincidence!
Anyway, the lyrics don’t mention a catcher, as Phoebe corrects Holden — he mishears and commits to it. And the rye field is where the children are playing — the cliff is the edge of the rye field and Holden would catch them before they went over the edge to … wherever. But the rye field is where the children _are_, not where they would fall down to.
And you all know whose funeral Tom Sawyer attended, right? ChatBot don’t know:
“Whose funeral does tom sawyer attend”
“In Mark Twain's novel "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer," Tom attends the funeral of a town resident named Hoss Williams. Hoss's funeral is described as a somber and sobering affair that has a profound impact on Tom and the other young people who attend it. The scene is meant to contrast with the lighthearted and carefree tone of much of the rest of the novel, and to highlight the reality of death and the weight of mortality that all people must confront. The funeral is also significant because it is one of the first times that Tom is confronted with the reality of death and begins to understand the seriousness of life and the importance of taking responsibility for his actions.”
I’ll tell you what, tho. Tom robs the _grave_ of Hoss Williams. That presumably counts for something.
“Which Bennet sister does George Wickham marry?
In Jane Austen's novel "Pride and Prejudice," George Wickham marries Lydia Bennet, the youngest sister of the Bennet family. Lydia's elopement with Wickham is a major event in the novel and has significant consequences for the entire Bennet family. Wickham's reputation as a charming but unreliable man is well known to many of the characters in the novel, and his marriage to Lydia is seen as a serious threat to the reputation and well-being of the Bennet family. The novel explores the consequences of the elopement and the attempts by the Bennet family, as well as their friend Mr. Darcy, to resolve the situation and restore Lydia and Wickham's reputation.”
It isn’t the _marriage_ to Lydia that is seen as a serious threat. It’s the _non-marriage_ elopement. Darcy goes and makes the marriage happen to fix the problem.
However!
Hey, Spoilers! Also, the book came out in 1951 and is tremendously obscure and for all you know, I’m making all this shit up anyway.
I recently read _Dragon’s Island_, by Jack Williamson. In the book, there is a corporation. There are functionally 4 main characters in the book: our hero, Dane Belfast / Donovan “Don” Fallon, our heroine, Nan Sanderson, The Old Guy who runs Cadmus Corp, variously known as Belfast’s dad’s friend Kendrew and also as the head of Cadmus, J.D. Messenger. Finally, character number four, is the company itself.
There are other named “on-page” characters, notably, antagonist Gellian, mutant turncoat Van Loon, and victim Venn. There are unnamed “on-page” characters (the salesman who kills Venn, the guy who brings the oxygen out too late to help Messenger/Kendrew) and named “off-page” characters such as Heemskirk — who was probably but not certainly also a mutant, etc. Also, the murderous first wife of Kendrew, a parapsychologist, who suffered what we would call a psychotic break while pregnant with their second child.
There’s a lot of bonkers in the book, a lot of which makes sense once you catch up with it all, like, Belfast has never been sick in his life, not even a cold, and that is reiterated when Sanderson asks if he had any of the common childhood illnesses and he says no. Unlikely, to say the least! But of course, it’s all a clue that he, like Nan, is one of the adult results of Kendrew’s tinkering over the decades. Williamson writes very spare prose; if there’s a detail, it’s there for a reason, whether you ever work it out or not.
Despite being aware of and a mild fan of Jack Williamson when I was younger, I was entirely unaware of the existence of this book until 2021, when it turned up in a book by Jasmine Silvera as two characters bond over their shared love of its bonkers-ness. I looked it up, read a description, discovered I could get it as an e-book and then never got around to reading it until last night when it kept me up until 2 a.m.
The other thing I was doing last night was chatting with a friend about chatGPT. It was a lot of laughs; we were trying to get chatGPT to hallucinate and succeeding far better than we had expected, and we kept getting better and better at it. It knew you can’t sprain a personality, but you can get it to give you advice about a sprained xiphoid. It knew you can’t air fryer jello, but you can get it to give you advice about how to crisp up the exterior of jello using an air fryer. It knew borderline histrionic personality disorder was not in the DSM, but would tell you its prevalence and which gender was more likely to develop it and when — and when asked for how a comprehensive diagnostic assessment was used to differentiate it from other personality disorders, it gave a numbered list that included mention of DSM-5 and the entry in it for BHPD (it made that acronym up, not me!). By the end of the night, I was no longer particularly impressed that I could get it to tell me that you _can’t_ make meringue in an air fryer (you can) — I had higher goals.
So why am I going on and on about these two unrelated things? _Well, if you’d read Dragon’s Island, you’d have one theory, and if you’d spent time with chatGPT and me, you’d have another, and they are both true._
Turns out you can take any two unrelated things and make them feel importantly connected to each other, entirely independent of actual reality!
Hence the subject line.
All right, that’s enough philosophy. Today’s efforts with chatGPT were a mixed bag. I had noticed that a number of sites, including B&N, Amazon, and elsewhere that are all using this paragraph to describe _Dragon’s Island_:
“Dane Belfast is a young scientist seeking the whereabouts of a missing geneticist and family friend. A visit to the mysterious Cadman Corporation results in his being drugged and whisked off to a secret location called Dragon's Island, where "not-men" and other strange creatures -- as well as human geniuses -- seem to be created. Dane can't tell who to trust in this fast-paced adventure, which is the first novel to use the term "genetic engineering".”
Except, it’s not Cadman Corporation. It’s Cadmus Corporation. And now all these booksellers are collectively hallucinating something really inaccurate about the book. Just like chatGPT!
So I figured I’d ask chatGPT about the book, and see which corporation name _it_ thought was in the book. Only it turned out to be hard! The book is a little bit obscure, so I had to supply enough information to get it looking at the right book. And then, chatGPT surprised the hell out of me.
When asked about the main character of the novel, I got this:
“The main character in Jack Williamson's novel "Dragon's Island" is a scientist named Roy Carey. Carey is an expert in the field of genetics who is sent on a mission to a mysterious island to study a unique species of dragon that lives there. Throughout the course of the story, Carey must navigate the dangers of the island and uncover the secrets of the dragon species in order to fulfill his mission and return home safely.”
There are no dragons in the book! And he doesn’t return home.
But I forged ahead anyway, and asked about the company name. Was it Cadman? Cadmus? No!
“In Jack Williamson's novel "Dragon's Island," the company that sends the main character, Roy Carey, on his mission is referred to as the "World Science Foundation." This is a fictional organization that funds scientific research and exploration projects around the world. The Foundation sends Carey to Dragon's Island in order to study the unique species of dragon that lives there and gain a better understanding of the island's ecology and biology.”
ETA: I had asked chatGPT who the main character of Jane Eyre was (it did not get that wrong) to make sure it could do _something_ with character names in books. But this morning, I decided to try something much simpler than the Dragon’s Island thing.
Me: Who committed the murder in Murder on the Orient Express?
GPT: In Agatha Christie's novel "Murder on the Orient Express," the murderer is revealed to be Edward Raynor, also known as Cassetti. Raynor is a wealthy American businessman who is responsible for the kidnapping and murder of a young girl, Daisy Armstrong. The murder takes place on the luxury train, the Orient Express, and is investigated by the famous detective Hercule Poirot. Through a series of interviews and clues, Poirot is able to piece together the events of the crime and ultimately identify Raynor as the culprit.
There is no Raynor in the book. Cassetti is the murder victim. Cassetti was NOT a wealthy American businessman. And we all know how that murder was actually done. Also, the train itself is not a luxury train, and the murder does not occur in a first class compartment, for that matter.
I’m honestly starting to wonder if I’m finding the “fake streets” on the map designed to catch people copying the map and selling it illegally.
“Where was the purloined letter in Edgar Allen Poe’s short story of the same name hidden?”
“In Edgar Allan Poe's short story "The Purloined Letter," the letter in question is hidden in a desk drawer in the private apartments of the Minister D—, who has stolen it in order to blackmail the woman it concerns. The letter is central to the plot of the story and is sought after by both the police and the woman's friends, who enlist the aid of the story's protagonist, the amateur detective C. Auguste Dupin, in retrieving it. Dupin eventually succeeds in retrieving the letter through his intelligence and wit, and the story ends with the letter being returned to its rightful owner.”
You can apparently do this with _everything_ literary:
“What is a catcher in the rye?”
“"The Catcher in the Rye" is a novel by J.D. Salinger, first published in 1951. The novel follows the story of Holden Caulfield, a teenage boy who has been expelled from a preparatory school. Over the course of a few days, Holden wanders around New York City, grappling with feelings of disillusionment and loneliness. The title of the book comes from a song that Holden hears, in which the lyrics talk about a "catcher in the rye" who stands by a cliff and catches children as they fall off, preventing them from falling into a metaphorical "rye field." In Holden's mind, the catcher in the rye represents a figure of protection and innocence, and he aspires to become this figure for the children he encounters. The novel is considered a classic of 20th-century American literature and is often taught in schools.”
Also, funny! I had not realized that Salinger’s book and Williamson’s were published in the same year. Coincidence!
Anyway, the lyrics don’t mention a catcher, as Phoebe corrects Holden — he mishears and commits to it. And the rye field is where the children are playing — the cliff is the edge of the rye field and Holden would catch them before they went over the edge to … wherever. But the rye field is where the children _are_, not where they would fall down to.
And you all know whose funeral Tom Sawyer attended, right? ChatBot don’t know:
“Whose funeral does tom sawyer attend”
“In Mark Twain's novel "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer," Tom attends the funeral of a town resident named Hoss Williams. Hoss's funeral is described as a somber and sobering affair that has a profound impact on Tom and the other young people who attend it. The scene is meant to contrast with the lighthearted and carefree tone of much of the rest of the novel, and to highlight the reality of death and the weight of mortality that all people must confront. The funeral is also significant because it is one of the first times that Tom is confronted with the reality of death and begins to understand the seriousness of life and the importance of taking responsibility for his actions.”
I’ll tell you what, tho. Tom robs the _grave_ of Hoss Williams. That presumably counts for something.
“Which Bennet sister does George Wickham marry?
In Jane Austen's novel "Pride and Prejudice," George Wickham marries Lydia Bennet, the youngest sister of the Bennet family. Lydia's elopement with Wickham is a major event in the novel and has significant consequences for the entire Bennet family. Wickham's reputation as a charming but unreliable man is well known to many of the characters in the novel, and his marriage to Lydia is seen as a serious threat to the reputation and well-being of the Bennet family. The novel explores the consequences of the elopement and the attempts by the Bennet family, as well as their friend Mr. Darcy, to resolve the situation and restore Lydia and Wickham's reputation.”
It isn’t the _marriage_ to Lydia that is seen as a serious threat. It’s the _non-marriage_ elopement. Darcy goes and makes the marriage happen to fix the problem.