Jan. 18th, 2017

walkitout: (Default)
Hard to believe that it is time for A's 3 year re-eval. Apparently other people lost track of time, too, so forms came out a little late. I am unconcerned; it'll get done, and there will be more of the same and progress will continue.

I got some housecleaning done; things are finally shaping up a bit. Between the holidays, travel and being sick and other distractions, I got behind.

Minor trigger warning for some of my readers: this next bit is about family.

I woke up this morning with a weird realization. I was raised in a family and a religious organization with a very rigid set of ideas about family structure. And I don't just mean one-man-one-woman-no-divorce, either. I mean, man is head of household, woman obeys, etc. And in case it wasn't completely obvious, there is never, ever, ever supposed to be any difference of opinion between the 'rents. I absolutely don't agree with any element of this (why exactly two 'rents, why of opposite genders, why no differences of opinion, etc.). What I realized this morning is that children who are raised by otherwise loving caregivers who have important differences in values _and who place those differences front and center in their own relationship_, thus influencing the children to take sides, kids can get stuck in an awful insecure attachment loop with parents who otherwise probably would provide secure attachment structures. Because of the yo-yoing between I'm on this one's side, no I'm on that one's side.

Differences of opinion can be profound, but as long as they are not perceived by the kiddos as a side-taking sort of situation, I don't think the effect is particularly bad. The problem is the impact on attachment.

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